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BLTs are a Universal Truth

July 19th, 2007 by Jeff Simmermon

BLT Sandwich
Originally uploaded by jasonperlow

You can’t conjure up resonant, universal truths on purpose. They just have to happen, right in front of you or dribble out from between the lips by accident for someone else to discover.

There was this discussion on Metafilter today about bacon salt. Not that it wouldn’t have caught my attention anyway — who wouldn’t want to learn more about bacon salt — but having just read about bacon ice cream in the Post, I clicked a little faster.

The chat itself was okay, pretty good by Metafilter standards (read: nobody got crapped on), but this comment from a guy called Divine_Wino slapped me in the face like a big cold carp made out of universal truth:

I don’t know about bacon salt, really, but just think about this for a minute:

You cook up some of that thick slab bacon, slooooowly. Then you take some fresh sliced sourdough bread and toast it lightly. Then you cut up one New Jersey beefsteak tomato (wait till you get a good one!), you need four thick slices because you are going to end up eating two of these, then one (ONE) piece of red leaf lettuce or Romaine (you need about 1/3 stem/thick end to leaf ratio), not too wet from when you rinse it under the tap. Mayo, fresh ground black pepper …

Here is the amazing thing about this amazing sandwich, really, really, anyone can make it and it’s fucking delicious, it’s the most democratic thing in the world a BLT, with a BLT every man is a king, every woman is president-for-life, every dog is a pony.

Drink ice water while you are eating your BLT’s and then quickly go wash your hands and face and lie down on a freshly made bed in an airconditioned room, read sci-fi paperbacks from the seventies, take a little nap.

That’s about as good as being a human being gets, I’m pretty sure.

That’s summer afternoons at my grandparents’, trips to my aunt and uncles’ farm, long slow weekends with plans for later but nothing much to do right now and the splendor of simplicity all in three paragraphs. Try pulling that one off on purpose and see how it goes.

Filed under Jeff Simmermon having 4 Comments »

4 Responses

  1. Dan Says:

    God damn, if that just doesn’t strum every available chord of comfort I possess. However, I prefer an ice-cold glass of root beer instead of ice water, and home made mayonnaise blows the store-bought stuff out of the water.

    But yeah… That’s pretty damn close to the perfect way to spend a summer afternoon in my book.

  2. Paul Says:

    Meh. BLTs never really done nothing for me. Now a good Reuben…but you can’t make those yourself. Defeats the purpose. You gotta go out, and visit the Deli. You know the one, in the old part of town. The one that’s still run by Schmuley’s great grand-uncle Jock. (That’s not his real name. His real name’s some Yiddish gobbledy gook that no one in the world but his mother can pronounce, so everyone’s called him Jock since he was a little boy – including his father).

    It’s not necessarily as clean as Shopsy’s, nor is it licensed to sell alcohol. But damn, man, the sauerkraut that Jock still makes the way he learned from his Bubbeh seventy five years ago is the best thing you could possibly put on a sandwich. Ever.

    I’m totally down with the root beer.

  3. Dan Says:

    Well… If we’re turning this into a sandwich contest, how about grabbing two slices of wonder bread and cramming a needle full of smack into a vein.

    Top that sandwich, beyotch!

  4. Braving the Arirang Says:

    Actually looking at all your photos, you’re an awesome photographer~! I only like to pretend that I know what I am doing with my mini Fugifilm in my hand. hahaha

    Thanks for all your advice. Will you be going again this year or no? If you are, maybe we’ll bump into each other or something. Always cool to meet new people.

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