Which Is Better: One or Three?
I was deep in the horse latitudes of the afternoon, fighting off lunchtime burrito coma and trying not to spend money online. It had been quiet for hours when Rob banged his hand on the card table that serves as our shared desk in the mutually understood signal for “take out your headphones.”
Dude, this is serious,
he said.
Would you rather have one testicle or three?
I thought about it for a second.
Three, I guess,
I responded.
See, everyone always says that! I’d go with one. I’d rather be a little sad than creepy and freakish.
He makes a good point. But I’ve always had this irrational fear of being chased over a chainlink fence in a junkyard while wearing a pair of Umbros — getting torn open and leaving something behind. As an innate packrat, I like the idea of having a spare handy.
At its essence, the issue is this: would you rather be pitiful or terrifying? What about you guys? Which would you rather have — or encounter?
November 9th, 2007 at 8:22 am
Your “irrational” fear of the chainlink fence may be a little paranoid, but that shit happens. I once knew a guy who had a Prince Albert (that was his first mistake) and in a tragic accident involving a bike and shorts that didn’t provide enough protection, the ring was torn out. He had to pee sitting down from then on.
November 9th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
I would rather have one and with good reasons. First, half as many balls implies half as much pain when given the kick feared by all men. Second, fewer itches in unreachable spots (well, reachable, but usually not during a time when you will look like a pervert trying to scratch it). And third, less sticking to the side of the leg.
Either way, interesting question. I am glad I am in the minority, just where I like it.
November 10th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
You mean everyone doesn’t have three?
November 12th, 2007 at 11:29 am
I had a childhood friend who had four balls. He never talked about them and when people would mention it he would seem kind of embarrassed. I think the rule of thumb with these kinds of things is that ‘normal is better’.
November 13th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Three sounds awfully complicated. Wouldn’t they get in a tangle or squash each other? Ugh. Doesn’t bear thinking about.
On the other hand if you had three and it was in some way inconvenient I guess you could always have one surgically removed to make you “normal”. Then again I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear that some of the mono-testicularly challenged have articfial implants to make them appear normal.
Someone should ask the women whether they would rather have one or three breasts.