25 Pounds of Dead Ferrets in the Freezer: Just TRY Not to Judge
All kinds of dorky hobbies are out of the closet now that the geeks have inherited the earth. Sci-fi’s a big enterprise now (har har) … now that “Lost” and computer programming is big business, all the nerds like me are out of the closet and partying in the light, blinking while our eyes adjust to the brightness of the pop-culture spotlight.
Loving comic books was once an express ticket to a lonely lifetime in Mom’s basement. Now they’re big, big blockbusting big business. I dated an actual human woman once who took me to see “300″ and “Spiderman 3.” It was her idea. Here in New York, a grown man can wear a Batman t-shirt out in public without shame. It’s a beautiful thing.
Now that all us nerds are out basking in uncloseted comfort, we owe something to the rest of the world. We shouldn’t forget what it was like to be punished for something as simple as liking things the rest of the world didn’t get. We got to be respectful, got to be patient with strangers’ weird obsessions. Even when it’s really, really tough to get.
Seeing a guy on a unicycle just breaks my heart. I imagine him in a completely empty apartment, empty save for a pile of burger wrappers and dust bunnies … and a unicycle lying in the middle of the floor. He says aloud, “Well, that’s it. Everything’s gone, all of it. The worst is over, but one thing’s for sure: I’l never get laid again. Might as well learn to love this unicycle …” Heartbreaking. But it’s not my place to judge.
A Segway — that’s the unicycle 2.0. It’s even more pathetic than a unicycle because it doesn’t even require any physical skills to operate. Cops that ride Segways around might as well be on My LIttle Pony big wheels for all the respect they inspire. But I digress.
On one level it’s pretty easy to keep an open mind. Live and let live and just work for the weekend, and it’s all gonna be cool.
However, ferret lovers exist on an entirely different level altogether. Ferrets are kinda cute, I’ll give them that. But so are subway rats. Ferrets are long rats, plain and simple. And there’s something about die-hard ferret lovers that really, really creeps me out:
I keep watching this thing, over and over, and I’m trying to stop judging, trying to get beyond to a higher place. But man, NOTHING’S gonna make that okay.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:04 am
oh my god. do they drink the ferret ashes? do they wear them around their necks? do they make freaky ferret facemasks? the Average Lifespan of a ferret is 7 year(s). how many do you need to have 25 pounds? of dead ferret? do they kill them prematurely? this whole story has overtones of Rosemary’s Baby. and i do think they are cute, though i’ve been told they can get stinky pretty quickly.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:28 am
I had pet rats starting from childhood when my dad (scientist) would bring us former lab rats. My last pet rat was sophomore year of college. I can say, they are great pets and there’s a lot of misconceptions about them. They’re very gentle, never bite, are smart, and you can teach them tricks.
A subway rat is as different from a pet rat as a wolf is from a dog. They’ve been selectively bred now for hundreds of years, starting when royaltiy used to keep them as exotic pets.
Never got into ferrets though. Actually, my good friend’s wife was really into ferrets and had two of them. When they died, she had them cremated and put in two ferret-sized wooden coffins that still lie above their TV.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
We are talking ferret *club* tho. Not some random ferret lover with a ferret mortality problem.
So let’s say the ferret club is:
10 Members
5 Ferrets each
5 pound per ferret
That’s 250 pounds of live ferret (assuming the club is just 10 people; the Ashfield Ferret Club in Nothingham, England has 60 members). I have no idea how many ferrets a typical ferret club member would have; 1 or 2 or dozens. (The woman in the video appears to have at least 5 cages behind her.) The average lifespan is 7 to 9 years.
Depending on the size of the club and the number of ferrets per member, live ferret poundage is going to start to add up; and as ferrets die of accident, disease and old age, ferret carcasses are gonna be everywhere.
Again, we’re talking club: the video suggests that bulk ferret cremation is a cost saver (presumably over one-off ferret cremation or burial): so I’m guessing the woman with the freezer is using batch cremation to keep membership dues down. Heck, maybe she didn’t even volunteer. If you got a big freezer, maybe you automatically become your club’s ferret mortician.
Finally, the club may be situated in an area where it’s illegal to bury animals in their back yards. So cremation may be their only option.
Great video tho. That blouse she’s wearing REALLY FREAKED ME OUT!
February 3rd, 2008 at 12:25 am
Sending the ferret ashes into space, or compressing them into diamonds are the only ways to go.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I have no words. Except that chick is married and I’m lucky if I have sex more than once a year. Unbelievable.