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Alert Ween: UPS Has Trademarked the Color Brown

February 25th, 2008 by Jeff Simmermon

I was buying a Spongebob Squarepants-themed rectal thermometer for my uncle online this afternoon (his Shrek one is broken) when I noticed something really, really weird. Yes, weirder than a Spongebob Squarepants rectal thermometer that ACTUALLY PLAYS THE THEME SONG when it’s done reading one’s temperature.

And just relax about my uncle, okay? He collects these sorts of things. Spongebob paraphernalia, I mean. My uncle does not, to the best of my knowledge, have a collection of musical rectal thermometers.

But look. I was buying the thing from a website called America RX, and filling in my shipping information when I noticed a really weird caveat. See if you can spot it in this screencap:


See? Isn’t that weird? According to that website, UPS has trademarked the color BROWN. That can’t be true, can it? I checked the UPS site myself, and sure enough, under trademarks:


This changes EVERYTHING. This can’t be possible. It’s like that one Superman comic where Mr. Myxtlplk copyrighted the alphabet and bankrupted the entire world. What are chocolate factories, furriers, and Ween going to do? This is the silliest crime, ever. I can’t believe it. How is this going to be enforced? Who is going to take Hershey to court for copyright infringement?

One thing’s for sure — that Spongebob thermometer’s gonna be breaking a LOT of copyright laws before this whole thing gets hammered out.

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