There is ice, actual frozen water, on Mars. I am not lying. Where there’s ice, there’s water — and where there’s water, there’s life. Life on Mars means actual Martians. They could just be protozoa at this point, but the mind whirls.

It could mean terraforming, too — like, creating actual offworld colonies with homegrown ice for cocktails to drink in the dusty sunset.

If we ever send representative Earthlings to Mars, though, it’s totally going to be like “War of the Worlds” in reverse. We’re a warlike society who are masters of technology and we’re going to need a new planet soon. Just think … to those sweet little ice-dwelling protozoans or whatever they turn out to be, we’re gonna look like this:

That’s test footage by effects legend Ray Harryhausen from the his unmade version of “War of the Worlds.” But it’s totally possible that we could send a creepy old man with eight arms up there by the time we’re ready to go.Just to keep the reference going — here’s “Pump Up The Volume,” by M/A/R/R/s. Such a perfect jam …