Not Just a Shitty Song By Extreme — Magic Phrases Are More Than Words
I’ve been having a secret love affair since 2002, and it’s time the word got out.
This isn’t an affair with a person or anything — it’s an affair with words, words so magical and hilarious that I snicker whenever every I say them. My heart aches to hear someone special say these words aloud, to understand the total magical experience it is to say these words so silly and so perfect. This phrase, it kicks the corners of your mouth up into a smile when it stumbles across your lips, happy and drunk on sunlight.
And man, there are just not enough chances in life to say these words, either. It’s a real stretch every time.
Do you have those phrases in your life, ones you love dearly? I’m not talking about cliches here, the slipshod sloppy mortar that pastes half-baked thoughts into casual conversation. And I’m not referring to little on-ramps like “this is the thing,” or “how’s that working out for you?” I’m talking about something else entirely. I’m talking about words as magic, words as art, a small simple string of words that conjures the bold and the silly, the ridiculous and the mighty.
My phrase, my OM, my verbal power chakra or whatever hippie bullshit powers you want to invoke, is this:
festooned with curly turds
There’s a real ring to it, don’t you think?
What are some of your favorites? Why?
February 13th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Hmmm…. how about funky wad of phlegm.
February 13th, 2008 at 9:20 am
But I love cliches… I giggle every time I say “in and of itself,” “it’s all good” or “intents and purposes,” thinking I really do mean “intensive purposes” even if it’s wrong.
Of course, I play with words, rolling them around my mouth and flinging them across my brain all the time. I just don’t have a mantra, and that’s a shame.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Pickled jicama.
Because I hate eating jicama and there has to be another reason for the word to exist.
February 13th, 2008 at 11:41 am
You have to give us some examples of “festooned with curly turds” in context.
February 13th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Most of mine are cuss-outs, offering catharsis and vindication rather than calm.
And most follow the formula ( [taboo body part] + [other unrelated noun] ).
E.G., “Cock-bonnet”.
A different kind of satisfaction, but satisfaction all the same.
February 13th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Wrapped around the burning to death.
February 13th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
@emawkc — the thing is, there are infinitely more opportunities to use your phrase than mine … I envy that, at least
@Kristin — “it’s all good” needs to be burned. BURNED. The only ONLY way to use that one is when you’re mocking hippies — which should be done frequently.
@jumble — What’s so bad about jicama? I’d eat it all day just to say it, and the flavor is so clear and crunchy.
@Lonnie — see certain dog parks in Brooklyn, entire city blocks in Richmond, VA.
@Chuck — what are you even TALKING about, dude?
February 13th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I’m with D. Billy – most of mine are also cuss-outs. Usually just strings of offensive language that don’t make too much sense. My favorite of these is “prick-ass”.
February 13th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
chicken vindaloo (ramones)
asshat
fucking four eyes (kid with turrets on maury povich)
hoboken (accent on the penult like bugs bunny)
February 13th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Plagiarized, but credited:
“blissfully free of the ravages of intelligence” (Gilliam’s “Time Bandits,” and I do use it sometimes)
“swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood” (“The Trouble With Tribbles” from “Star Trek OS,” which I never actually said to my boss’ face)
“sarcaustic” (I’ve been using it for 20 years, product of alcohol-inspired dyslexia, but it’s out there all over the web)
February 14th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Doh – Damn html.
Wrapped around the (insert object) burning to death.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I love (and use often):
Elegant legacy
Sausage fest
Pocket optimism/Serial optimist
Burger aesthetic
“Dimly anticipating existence” (stole that one from HG Wells)
February 14th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Langston Hughes’ suicide note. Gives me chills every time:
“The calm cool face of the river asked me for a kiss.”
and more recently
“What will I became?” – anonymous bathroom quote.
or,
“That dog won’t hunt/Crazier than a box of assholes” – my Ozark grandpa.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Why’s Poignant Guide to Ruby is full of them. One example: “An evening of unobstructed voltage.”
February 14th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
In fond remembrance
tap dancing and farting
Kurt Vonnegut
February 14th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
A friend of mine came up with one that kills me each and every time it is used correctly. See, we were in the car together and we got cut off. My pal leans out the window and yells:
“Nice fuckin’ driving you Creamy Jack”
It’s slightly dirty, but in a way that I can’t quite put my finger on
February 18th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I’m tired as hell. (the punch line to a joke told by Jeff… don’t remember the joke) makes me pee a bit every time… lame; true. Tell it Jeff!
March 18th, 2008 at 8:12 am
tyrannical trifles!
March 21st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
every Marine has heard this….
“…put a cover on your grape crazy!”
and this is from my girlfriend, she’s from nebraska…
“barf on my face!” everytime something goes wrong……