There’s a pretty powerful, fast-moving scavenger ecosystem in my neighborhood. People (I think) snatch up clothing, books, whatever like crabs picking over a fish carcass on the sea floor. There are a lot of forgotten bike frames chained to sign posts around there, stripped of their seats, wheels, chains, pedals — anything that is remotely mobile or useful. Sometimes you just see a chain looped around a sign post. Whenever I see that, I always think “Damn. Another one of those bike-eating sharks must’ve got that one.”
I’ve been walking past this bike that’s been locked up on Broadway under the Williamsburg Bridge for YEARS. It looks like it was dragged up from the ocean floor, doesn’t it? There’s the requisite grease and grime there, but it’s covered with a thick patina of dust, dried river mud and pigeon shit. The mirrors are useless, covered with old dirt.
It’s always sitting upright, though, and always in a slightly different position. Sometimes it feels a little warm, like it was ridden just a few hours ago.
I like to think that some slippery creeping beast shambles up out of the East River every night and stumbles to the bike with thick, dripping footsteps. Its shoulders steam with a green toxic runoff, and its face is half-eaten away, revealing a horrific skeletal grin. It turns up its moldering jacket collar and slides a Bob Seger tape into its Walkman, then sets out to cruise the neighborhood, working out some “Night Moves” …
I was crossing through the Essex/Delancey subway last night at about 1, coming home from the incredibleCherry Pop Burlesque. One of the performers had done a stunning routine to Lou Reed’s version of “This Magic Moment” from the “Lost Highway” Soundtrack — which I’d never heard before. The routine and the song meshed perfectly in this grinding, menacing, but also sweet experience that had me all fired up and confused, just the way you should be when you see something amazing that you’ve never seen before.
And then I came across this guy playing cover songs on a ukulele:
He was on the natural stage there on the Uptown side of the F train, playing sweet, melancholy songs greatly aided by all the natural reverb down there.The singer/ukulelist goes by the name “Laustcawz.”He’s got a website here, and this is his theme song.
I got him to do a song just for me so I could share it with all of you:
They found another tumor a few weeks back. This time, up around my lymph nodes in my throat. It’s been showing up on my CAT scans ever since this whole ordeal started. It hasn’t changed shape, hasn’t grown, just sat there like a lump taking up real estate next to my throat with no ambition whatsoever, eating little tiny potato chips and spraying crumbs up against the back of my collarbone.
I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate this particular brand of indolence. It’s sure as hell better than the alternative. But that’s the problem with laziness in things with great potential — everyone around starts thinking some work’s gonna get done pretty soon and then they all get resentful for having to wait.
That’s pretty much the exact story with this tumor. It sat there just fine for a year or more, and finally my doctor said “oh, let’s have specialist check this thing out.”
The thing about this tumor is that it was right in a place where testicular cancer can spread if it wants to. Typically it moves North slowly from its namesake zone, up into the abdomen, the chest, then the lymph nodes in the throat. There was none of that in me. But the node looked a little hinky all the same.
The specialist said, “oh, what the hell, it’s probably nothing, but we’re going to have to look at it with a sonogram. It’s a simple procedure.”
Simple procedure. The last time I heard the phrase “simple procedure” I lost a testicle. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m in Austin, TX for SXSW Interactive right this very minute. The sheer volume of parties, shows, and after-parties and other stuff is incredibly overwhelming. I’ve got no idea what to do, what could be going on at any moment.
I’ve seen that Man or Astro-Man is playing their first show in a decade or so, for example. If I were to stumble across some sort of burlesque show/Kaiju Big Battel performance, that wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all. And I REALLY wouldn’t mind catching a screening of “Kick-Ass,” either.
So I’m asking you guys: do you know of any cool parties, shows, or exciting weird art happenings around SXSW Interactive that you just can’t miss? Or some sort of online guide to the best ones? I’ll be here until Tuesday, the 16th.
If so, please let me know either in the comments or by emailing me at andiamnotlying(AT)gmail(DOT)com.
Okay, this is ridiculous. This Types of Bitches post has gone completely nuts. It’s gotten a ton of traffic. I told my mom, and she doesn’t know WHAT to do. On the one hand, she’s proud of me. On the other, it’s yet another piece of tremendous public profanity that’s now associated with the Simmermon name.
in the last two years, I’ve said “bitches” and “motherfucker” on “This American Life,” been written up in the Washington Post and a number of news wires for writing “fuck you” on a dollar bill, and now this. My mom’s as proud of me as she can be while still being ashamed to tell her friends at church. Read the rest of this entry »
In about a week, I’ll be visiting a small town called Hay-on-Wye. This little burg sits on the Welsh / English border and has — and this is what my traveling companions are unbelievably jazzed about — upwards of 30 bookstores in a town of under 2,000 people. So I thought it only fitting that I give a quick nod to something excellent that came through my RSS reader today:
“Bygg Books” by Swedish design firm Byggstudio (2006).
A while back, the folks at Gestalten included a few of my site intervention projects in a lovely book called Tangible: High Touch Visuals.
I highly recommend it, and its sister book Tactile. They’re both chock full of excellent artists and designers, and I break them out in a fit of “you-gotta-check-this-stuff-out” fever to anyone who comes anywhere near my bookshelves.
I am absolutely thrilled to share a volume with people like Mark Jenkins, Joshua Allen Harris, William Lamson and tons of other artists who endeavor to smack the urban landscape with the giant cartoon glove of whimsy, and I hope y’all will check it out.
Urban Interventions is 69 beans if you buy it direct, BUT, as of this posting, it’s 37% off if you buy it on Amazon!
Or you can just wait until it’s in the big bookstores and hunker down between the rows, all sprawled out taking up aisle space.
I know how you do, ’cause I do it too.
Wait a second. You know this is going to be good, when it starts with “My friend’s cousin.”
My friend’s cousin is a teacher at a charter school in Washington, D.C. She found this on the floor of a 3rd grade classroom and recognized it for the gold mine that it is — scanned it into a fax-to-PDF scanner immediately.
I talked to a bunch of folks about it ahead of time, none of whom could make it out. Fair enough. Zach’s a nice young man, and was kind enough/self-promotional enough to post the video on Vimeo. Here it is, see for yourselves:
