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It’s Not Just a Blog, It’s an Adventure: We’re Turning This Into a Live Show

August 31st, 2010 by Jeff Simmermon

Subway Poster 092907

Originally uploaded by chinese_fashion

I started this blog back in 2005. At the time I figured that if I just kept banging on my laptop, eventually someone would recognize my nascent brilliance and offer me a sack of money. That person would also be able to reach through a hole in time and pull out a finished copy of a book, by me, and drop it on the desk next to the money.

Then I’d never have to work pouring concrete driveways or slinging pizzas ever again. While it’s true that I stopped working in both the concrete and pizza industries shortly after starting this blog, the rest turned out a little differently. I haven’t seen a fricking dime of profit from this thing, and nobody’s offered to turn this into a book. Apparently, to write a book you have to do something more than just type whenever you feel like it.

Here’s the thing: while I’ve always wanted to be a writer, I’ve also always wanted to be in a rock band. My early efforts in that regard were similarly misguided. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from storytelling, it’s that making a crowd feel something I’ve written — like a whole, big, crowded rock club — that ‘s pretty much the best feeling in the world. If you could chop up the laughter of several hundred strangers and line it up on a mirror, cocaine would go out of business and the would be no more killing in Mexico.

I was reading “Our Band Could Be Your Life” on the subway a few weeks ago and it hit me like Galileo’s apple. I’ve got the Internet platform and the storytelling skills – and now we’ve got Brad and Cyndi on board, two hilarious, exciting and weird burlesque performers AND storytellers, as well as D.Billy’s peerless art, design, and production abilities.

We’re turning this blog into a live show and we’re going on tour. I don’t know how and I don’t know when exactly, but I’d expect to see some of you people outside New York City by spring 2011.

That’s where we need your help.

We’re sniffing out venues in New York City to try this thing out at home right now, and really trying to figure out what would work and what wouldn’t in a live setting. Because now this thing’s bigger than just me, and I’m flying it by instinct. Over the years And I Am Not Lying has been through a lot of changes, but now it just feels right. We’re a team, a FOR REAL team, and I am just tickled to death about it.

Here’s what we’re wondering, though:

What brought you here? What keeps you coming back?

A lot of you are friends of mine from real life, and you actually care about me as a person, which is fantastic. But a lot more of you came in for some outside reason — you heard me on This American Life, saw D.Billy’s art online (or in print) — or the time the hawk danced on his lunch, or you liked the Types of Bitches or the Hotsy Totsy Doctor Who or < href="" target="blank">Brad on the Moth podcast or the Cherry Pop pictures or shit, something, it’s been five years now.

That’s what brought you in, right? Or was it something else? And at this point, now that we’re in the comfy hammock slump between traffic spikes, if you’re reading this far you count as a fan. What is it? Would you mind letting us know? In between the popular stuff I’ve been trying to write short essays about my feelings and stuff — was it that? The weird shit we find in the street?

Over there on the right under “Categories,” there’s a list of all kinds of stuff that we’re into and have put up here ‪– but what of that should we try to hogtie and throw on stage?‬

We’re trying to figure all this out and crunch it down into something tiny, tight and awesome that we can pack into a van and haul across America.

That’s going to happen. It just is. Because as long as we’re going to be stuck on the payroll for a long time, we might as well have some fun and make a few new friends.

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