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Types of Bitches

March 4th, 2010 by Jeff Simmermon

My friend’s cousin …

Wait a second. You know this is going to be good, when it starts with “My friend’s cousin.”

My friend’s cousin is a teacher at a charter school in Washington, D.C. She found this on the floor of a 3rd grade classroom and recognized it for the gold mine that it is — scanned it into a fax-to-PDF scanner immediately.

Full page fax print

See most of the whole, exhaustive list after the jump.

You’ll notice that according to this taxonomy, there are 90 types of bitches. However, there’s a page missing, so we are left to guess what bitch types 44-58 are. If you have any ideas, please do leave them in the comments.

I think it’s possible to be multiple types of bitch at once. I’ve met a number of people who are a combination of 5, 12, and 85-90. One could also evolve into and out of various categories as well. As one friend of mine said “I used to be #33, but now that I’ve grown up a little and my priorities have changed, I am solidly #37.”

Feel free to let me know which type you are in the comments as well — or even chart your trajectory through the list.

This list is fairly neatly written. Spelling and troubled penmanship aside, there are no cross-outs, crumples, stains, etc. This looks like something that was written, maybe as a part of a group, and then placed onto the official record that we see here. I like thinking about an excited group of kids sitting around and charting out all the different types of bitches they can think of and then carefully writing them down onto a master list.

And it was found in a 3rd grade classroom! Either the child who left this behind borrowed this from a much more sophisticated older sibling/cousin, or kids in inner-city D.C. grow up even faster than I thought.

Or both. Anyway, here’s the list.

Types of Bitches 1-14

Types of Bitches 15-27

Types of Bitches 28-43

Types of Bitches 59-74

Types of Bitches 75-90

You can see the whole set on Flickr here.

**And now that this thing has officially gotten out of control, there’s a followup: Bitches Lost their Minds**

I’ve transcribed the list below for Google and folks who are visually impaired but nevertheless want to know about all the types of bitches.

Types of Bitches

1) Dirty dumb ass bitches
2) Aint got no ass bitches
3) Dusty trick bitches
4) Fishy bitches
5) Don’t know how to fight bitches
6) Got all that mouth but can’t step bitches
7) Ugly looking bitch that think they all that
8) Can’t keep a man bitch
9) Track wearing bitches
10) Bitches that be trying to steal your man
11) Hoochie looking bitches
12) Ain’t got no damn sense bitches
13) Stupid bitches that act dumb
14) Bitches who can only get a dirty boy
15) Want to be jocking bitches
16) Bitches who think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone
17) Bitches who think they better than me
18) Instigating bitches
19) Talking behind your back bitches
20) Loud mouth bitches
21) Pissy bitches
22) Stingy bitches
23) Funky looking bitches
24) Short hair bitches
25) Spanish bitches who think they all that cause of their hair
26) Bitches that be ignoring you when they know they can hear you
27) Staring in your face bitches
28) Big eyed looking bitches
29) Crazy bitches
30) Nappy tender headed bitches
31) Booty shorts wearing bitches
32) Coast-signing bitches
33) Dick riding bitches
34) Whipped bitches
35) Buck tooth bitches
36) Cheesy teeth bitches
37) Same wearing clothes each day bitches
38) Ghetto bitches
39) Hair dyeing bitches
40) Wearing shoes that be talking bitches
41) Bitches who think they hard
42) Bitches that think they get money
43) Bitches that go to a dirty school
44) (page missing)
45) (page missing)
46) (page missing)
47) (page missing)
48) (page missing)
49) (page missing)
50) (page missing)
51) (page missing)
52) (page missing)
53) (page missing)
54) (page missing)
55) (page missing)
56) (page missing)
57) (page missing)
58) (page missing)
59) Gay bitches
60) Stanky fishy coochie smelling bitches
61) Tomboy bitches
62) Stain on your pants bitches
63) Dry scalp dandruff bitches
64) Dirty hair bitches
65) Stealing bitches
66) Stinky feet bitches
67) Big gap bitches
68) Protecting their store bitches
69) Pajamas outside bitches
70) Ragly braid bitches
71) Stanky butt bitches
72) Greedy bitches
73) Slimy grimy bitches
74) Psycho bitches
75) Drug dealing bitches
76) Geekin’ bitches
77) Suntanning bitches
78) Goofy looking bitches
79) Triflin’ bitches
80) Skanky bitches
81) Mugging bitches
82) Sloppy bitches
83) Dirty fingernails bitches
84) Dirty sock wearing bitches
85) Uncreative bitches
86) White bitches that think black people poor
87) Conceited bitches
88) Tall bitches
89) Short bitches
90) Jealous bitches

214 Responses

  1. Bob Says:

    I’m a personal fan of #85 “uncreative bitches.” Kids – they hate for 84 lines then let their tender side show (sort of).

  2. Brad Says:

    Jesus! This is an extensive list. Did this kid get a grant Ford Foundation to research the bitch speciation phenomenon?

  3. Amanda Says:

    My favorite is “wearing shoes that be talking bitches.” What does that mean?

  4. Handel Says:

    I wish the list had gone to 99, sort of like a counterpoint to Jay-Z’s 99 Problems

  5. Solo500 Says:

    Staggering work of heartbreaking bitches…

  6. bradley Says:

    Amanda: those are shoes with soles that flap

  7. DEMO Says:

    Amanda,

    Talking shoes are shoes that the front sole has come loose or unglued. It can also be a generally scuffed or older looking shoe.

    This list is genius.

  8. Sarah Eigen Says:

    These kids are on their way to writing poetry! Hope one of their teachers sees the creativity.

  9. James Says:

    Wait–how do we know there is not a page 8 or 9 or 10? What if there are *hundreds* of types of bitches?

  10. kellie Says:

    I’m a die-hard #39 bitch which unfortunately also makes me a #63 bitch. (And I can’t deny that I’m a confirmed #66 bitch too, usually with a vinegar-scented essence.)

  11. Stanley Says:

    Was this list commissioned by Twitter?

  12. kellie Says:

    I wish I were a #68 bitch though!!

  13. t3Xt Says:

    I have SO many questions!!!

    More than anything, though – I would like to meet the author. It is very creative for a 3rd grader ;)

    but seriously…

  14. Chris Says:

    They forgot the “Boring ass bitch cuz you ain’t any of these other bitches” bitch.

  15. J-Miz Says:

    Bitch list writing bitches.

  16. James Marshall Says:

    Proof positive that No Child Left Behind is working, perhaps they should call it No Bitch Be Lef’ Behind

  17. scientifico Says:

    This is awesome! I imagined it being recited “Masterpiece Theater” style by Juvenile. Dressed in a smoking jacket with a glass of Henny and Coke on a side table, a smouldering blunt in the ashtray.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ww9VlmXKYgs

    Skanky bitches, huh.

  18. Loren Says:

    I don’t know which is sadder…the list, or the commenters who are praising it. If this kid is the future of America…we’re doomed.

  19. thatbob Says:

    Considering that this is already missing at least one page (comprising bitches #44-58), there is absolutely no reason to assume that this enumeration of bitchtypes concludes with the ninetieth.

  20. downesdesign Says:

    Jeff —

    This RULES.

    bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahahha

  21. Jason B Says:

    If the teacher had helped these 3rd graders classify “types of bitches” into families, genera, and species, this could have been a teachable moment…

    …you know, before lecturing them on the basics of feminism.

  22. Eliza Says:

    First off, I assume this list was written by girls, not boys. The judgments are mostly based on things boys don’t give a shit about.
    Secondly, this is the ouline for my next show.

  23. MsHelle Says:

    Interesting to see the only consistently correctly spelled word was bitches.
    It is offensive to call women bitches and this kid has some issues.

  24. Paul Says:

    They forgot the:
    I don’t know how to spell or speak proper English bitches.

  25. Torrey Says:

    shoes that talk are those that are so worn that the front of the bottom separates from the top

  26. Jeff Simmermon Says:

    MsHelle — I see your point. But slang doesn’t always follow cultural correctness. For example, the way Aussies say “cunt.” It’s offensive, but in the context it’s a little different. Maybe it’s revealing of cultural mores on a deeper level. But either way, it *works.*

  27. Nick Says:

    hahahahaha, stanky butt bitches

  28. Nina Says:

    What Category #79 bitch is raising this obnoxious kid? A damn shame.

    Whenever I come across a kid talking like this, I shut their little ass up real quick. Unacceptable.

  29. Nina Says:

    MsHelle — I was gonna give the kid credit for at least spelling “bitch” so well, but he/she messed it up on Category #34.

  30. Viv Says:

    Her English is not important right now. It’s third grade, not college. Error is grammar are going to be made. What IS important is that this child is articulating their thoughts and feelings onto paper, the validity of the thoughts or feelings isn’t in question, but the fact that this girl is writing. Writing about someone, something, her perspective. That’s the thing I like. I will use this list for the rest of my life. LOL!

  31. April Says:

    Solo500, your comment was so funny I almost spit out my food, I was laughing so hard…

    ….bitches.

  32. Em Says:

    i knowed all these bitches!

  33. Steph Says:

    I agree with Eliza – the penmanship and “Bitches that be trying to steal your man” reveal the author(s) are most definitely girls. Or boys who know they’re gay and proud in the 3rd grade. Either way, they’re awesome.

    Anyway, as you can tell – I’m obviously an 18 and a 76, and a 63 when I run out of H&S.

  34. Lori Says:

    32 is meant to be cosigning bitches. those are bitches who are just taking the dominant person’s side to get on their good side…

  35. Mr. David M. Beyer Says:

    Right on, Viv. Moral judgment aside (I’m thinking of Stephen Johnson’s Everything Bad is Good for You), focus on the fact that this child is writing. Give her the beatdown and she withdraws from self-expression; help her develop her thoughts and you make her a writer.

  36. baxter Says:

    whats with these uptight bitches?!

  37. Jessica R. Says:

    This is not 3rd grade penmanship, nor does it demonstrate the cognitive abilities of third graders…more like 6th, 7th or 8th grade. No way have kids grown up that quick, D.C. or not.

  38. jack Says:

    insightful and just so clever! there’s nothing lacking with this young lady at all.

  39. kahlanas Says:

    I could come up with a bunch to cover the missing ones and then some but they would be from an adult perspective not a 3rd graders. and I’m amazed at the level of intelligence it took to think these up. I don’t know too many third graders that could be that mature in their thinking and Ive raised 4 of them.

  40. Mark Says:

    Coche? Is that cooch like a VaJJ?
    Hoche Bitches? What could that be?
    #73 is Slimy Germy bitches
    I have a theory about Coast-Signing bitches… it comes right before DickRiding Bitches, so could it be cocksucking bitches but in code because that’s just too dirty? If not, what is coast signing?

  41. Doug Says:

    Lots ‘n’ lots of bitches I never knew

  42. Bella Belladonna Says:

    Just wow. Third grade? That’s depressing.

    I can’t believe that #38 is “getto (sic) bitches” when whoever wrote this list is beyond ghetto.

    Also how is it even possible that a 3rd grader thinks like this? Isn’t 3rd grade like, 8 years old? Why is a third grader writing about drug dealers and women who get pregnant and all that, and more importantly why is the word “bitches” in an 8 year old girl’s vocabulary?

    Disgusting.

  43. Mark Says:

    And what does Nappy, tender-headed mean? I get nappy, but what’s tender-headed.
    Let’s decode all these bitches!

  44. S Welch Says:

    J Miz, that’s the best one! And yes, if this is our future, we are a bunch of screwed bitches! And J Marshall, NCLB is obviously not working for this child!

  45. Gina Says:

    i would like to add to this list:
    -golden girl watching bitches
    -toe jam bitches
    -girls dancing with girls bitches
    -justin beiber bitches

  46. mp Says:

    I am sticking with my initial interpretation, that “talking shoes” referred to this: http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua5tDSlL

    It makes the list even funnier.

  47. Special Guest Says:

    At first I thought this was written by high schoolers, so I just shrugged my shoulders. When I re-read and realized it was written by third-graders–it made me very, very sad. This kid or these kids could probably be very talented writers if they were being raised correctly and their skills were being channeled and nurtured…but the subject matter lets me know that these kids are living troubled lives, and are growing up much, much too fast.

  48. Kristin Says:

    I’m probably a geekin’ bitch. Maybe a triflin’ bitch, too, but only on occasion. I’m more of an oblivious bitch.

  49. La Madrina Says:

    The missing page should have said…

    44. Pimple face bitches
    45. Greasy hair bitches
    46. Dirty fingernails bitches
    47. Crusty chipped toenail polish bitches
    48. Jheri curl wearing bitches
    49. Weave track showing bitches
    50. Stuttering bitches
    51. Complicated bitches
    52. Perping bitches
    53. No spellcheck poor grammar bitches
    54. Hairy leg needing to shave bitches
    55. Checkbouncing bitches
    57. Bad credit bitches
    58. Sanctified Hypocritical Going to Church Bitches

  50. Kate Says:

    I don’t know why you guys are dwelling on the fact that this is written by third graders. I promise, it’s not. The fact that it was found on the floor in a third grade classroom means nothing. Either some kid got ahold of it from somewhere else, or simply a kid of a different age dropped it when they wandered into the room for one reason or another. Come on, stop taking things so seriously and laugh at this!

  51. La Madrina Says:

    Add to the list…..*drumroll*

    No high speed internet bitches

  52. La Madrina Says:

    Clearly you need to be schooled in the vernacular of the clever author(s) who deserve a gold star for creativity & effort. Definitely shows wit and a promising future.

    1) Coast signing = co-signing (Ex. That coast signing bitch agrees with the group giving a beat down to bitches that be stealing your man)

    2) Hoche = Hoochie

    3) Coche = Coochie, Va-Jay Jay

    4) Dickriding Bitches = Bitches that be hanging out with the guys. Does not equate to the literal translation implied.

    5) Tender Headed Bitches = Bitches (of all ages) who complain and say that their head or scalp hurts when their hair is styled.

    Some of you “siddity bitches” need a proper education.

  53. Tawdry Says:

    Hoche=hoochie

    Talking shoes=squeaky

  54. Eric in SF Says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages.

    It’s totally not written by a 3rd grader – probably older sister of someone in the class.

    I see the “That’s not funny!” crowd is out in force. *eyeroll*

  55. Liza Says:

    In 10 years this girl is going to be at Stanford. Pretty creative for a 3rd grader I mean “Ragly Braid Bitches”?! Not sure what that means but it sounds good :)

  56. mspuddin Says:

    OMG! I’m sooo mad at sooo many things!

    First, the real quick scan and share process. Second, the spelling of instigating. Third, who the fuck does this in the third grade???

    Too through.

  57. travis Says:

    ya’ll be trippin. except a few who get it.

    bunch a high-seat, better than-you bitches

  58. Brandon Says:

    Grammar? lol.

  59. Mark Says:

    NO! for reals? Co-Signing? like we therapy-ized middle aged homosexuals say “she’s co-signing their bullshit, by agreeing that the adulteress must be punished.”

  60. Matt Says:

    This cries out for a Wordle, I think.

    http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/1742974/90_Types_of_Bitches

  61. Mark Says:

    ACTIVITY! I say we go on a scavenger hunt across the web and get pictures of every kind of bitch we can find!

    http://www.avatar-wallpapers.com/30/neytiri-avatar-wallpaper.html

  62. Mark Says:

    http://www.avatar-wallpapers.com/30/neytiri-avatar-wallpaper.html
    #28 Big Eye looking bitch

  63. John Says:

    Great, my entire dating life reduced to ordering off a Chinese menu: I’ve had a #2, a #29, a #41, a #82, and a #90.

  64. amy Says:

    Ha, I’m a dirty nailed, dirty sock wearing, can only get a dirty boy bitch….
    1. Busted homemade face tattoo bitch.
    2. Crusty panhandlin’ bitch
    3. Nasty herp bitch
    4. Need to trim that 70′s bush bitch.
    5. Skinny white bitch.
    6. Texting while driving bitch.
    7. methlab trailer trash bitch
    8 piercings smelling like cheese bitch.
    9 cumdumpster bitch ho.
    10. Bible humpin’ bitch.
    11. Icicle twat bitch.
    12. Screaming at trees and squirrels needin a cigarette schizo-crackhead bitch

    That’s all I got.

  65. Law student at Stanford Says:

    This is hilarious!!! I’m not down with seeing ladies called “bitches,” but just think of an impressionable elementary schooler. The author might think showing normalcy to the term “bitches” is an example of being “tough.”

    I think this list is a gold mine of what it’s like to be in school — and to have a sense of humor, even if couched in defensiveness and judgment. This is creativity!

  66. sunshyne84 Says:

    I hate a loud mouth bitch. I can be a stingy bitch at times. I’m definitely a bitch that will ignore you even though I hear your bitch ass talkin to me. Oh yes!

    I’ll admit I have been a wearing shoes that talk bitch :( blame my mama

    I’ll be a co-signing bitch for La Madrina and her filling in the blank ass bitchiness.

  67. Jen Jen Says:

    lmaooooo this is outrageous, but it’s about damn time someone compiled a list of the many different types of bitches.

  68. Scott Says:

    #44 Lonely Bitches

  69. Bella Belladonna Says:

    Kate,

    Most schools that have a third grade don’t go past the eighth grade, which means that at best, this list was written by a 14 year old who can’t spell “whipped” or “cheesy” which is bad enough.

    I don’t know if you have children but if you do, would you laugh if your 14 year old daughter made this list about “dick riding bitches” and bitches who get pregnant and left alone?

    This type of urban “ghetto” culture needs to end. It’s disgusting and it’s unacceptable.

  70. Leasyon Says:

    Just wanted you all to know that these are actually just the written out lyrics to a song called “90 types of bitches”

    Don’t ask me how I know that.

  71. Jack Says:

    i DONT THINK i SAW “ON HEAT’ bitches

  72. Sra Says:

    I think I need a drawing to explain number 40 for me.

  73. Bunbury Says:

    This child has changed the way I look at the world and is therefore an artist.

    We need more kids like this and fewer of you tight-ass bitches bitching about them.

  74. tito Says:

    you know, I think this list is pretty funny, and of course, a little sad at the same time. having grown up in various unbelievably poor neighborhood schools, I can vouch that any age child you care to name knows if not all, most of these words. and yes, they are naughty. wah. the point is that this is writing, creative expression, and also part of what goes on in every city larger than two nickels in the whole of the united states, like it or not. plenty of kid’s first word is bitch (I can vouch- I worked in day care in a neighborhood where murder was more common than the ice cream truck) and to simply say ‘this needs to stop’ is like cussing at the waves when they mess up your pretty sand castle.

  75. David Says:

    Somewhat disappointed that number 69 wasn’t more suitable like ‘carpet munching oyster lickin’ bitches’
    or ‘pole blowing finger fist fucking bitches’

    I’m pretty sure I can fill in the missing ones:
    ‘smurf smuggling gerbil lovin’ bitches’
    ‘donkey riding horse blowing goin’ to hell bitches’
    ‘fingerbanging snot-nosed bitches’

  76. David Says:

    I also think it’s hilarious that we all spent some very valuable time reading through this drivel-

    y’all a bunch of dribble headed bitches

  77. Tylenol Says:

    This reads like the song ’50 bitches deep’ by Drunken Master.

  78. Sara Bae Says:

    “fawt in da room n’ dont say nuttin to nobody til da room already flooded wit stank” bitches!

    aka “fart in the room and dont say anything to anyone until that fart already smells up the entire room” bitches

  79. sean Says:

    wake up, this isn’t disgusting for anyone of any age really. its clearly meant to be comedic, and it succeeds regardless of the writers age.

    fucking prude

  80. BEST DRUID BROCRI Says:

    btw #40 means you got some old broke ass shoes

  81. happy coal Says:

    Lighten up Bella!

  82. topofthechain Says:

    A submission if you please, Bitch done stole my crack bitches

  83. Alex Says:

    This kid is absolutely brilliant! Most would stop at 4 or 5 and then give up.

  84. Over the River Says:

    “Bitch set me up” Bitches.

  85. rtang Says:

    Bitch set me up bitches

  86. Carlito Says:

    Damn Jeff, this is so funny. one of the many rewards of teaching third graders i guess… ive been steady coming up with types of bitches since i read this.. i wonder if santa claus has this list

  87. LivinInDCBitch Says:

    I want to hear this read out loud by Christopher Walkin.

    I love what ‘TitoSays’ posted. So True. I live in DC – I have no doubt that this could very well have been written by 3rd graders.

  88. Skye Says:

    This is amazing and somewhat sad at the same time…to think that a kid of the 3rd grade level could write all this out, makes you wonder what kind of home s/he’s from. But if this is the type of thing that’s going to go unchecked, then something needs to be done about that kid. Has America become so secular that we will tolerate this from our children?
    If this is the future, then may God have mercy on the elder generations. I won’t tolerate it from my children.

  89. RonDog Says:

    The teacher did it, or maybe the assistant principal in charge of security.

  90. If you're having girl problems Says:

    I feel bad for you son.

  91. Sunny Says:

    I found at least 3 cross outs/scribble overs. Maybe I’m the perfectionist bitch!

  92. thirdplanetwatcher Says:

    Bottom bitches who wishes they were tops

  93. Barry Hawkins Says:

    I think we should recognize the loss of bitches 44-58 by referring to them heretofore as “The Lost Bitches”; it’s the least we can do.

  94. Wayan Says:

    #91 Bitches laughing so hard they’re crying

  95. Voice of Reason Says:

    wasting time on the internet(, ) bitches

  96. shaboom Says:

    i think i’ve just found my new lotto numbers 17,60,63,84,88

  97. B Says:

    Er’body knows bitches ain’t shit, but hoes and tricks.

  98. Steeeeepheranie Says:

    what about nosey bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!

  99. Not Written by a Third Grader Says:

    This is funny stuff, but STOP thinking a 3rd grader wrote it. Just because it was found in a 3rd grade class? Older sister wrote it or something. Don’t you all learn anything from watching all that CSI?

  100. RicanDC Says:

    I especially love number 25. LOL

  101. cben Says:

    this classification of bitches puts Charles Darwin’s classification of organisms to shame.

    incredibly sad but I still laughed

  102. amg Says:

    I love all the people saying this is “disgusting” and “needs to stop.” Can I guess that you’re probably white and would never live in a poor neighborhood of D.C.?

    I’m not saying that I approve of children “using language,” but I approve less that our society (comprised of many of you hatin’ bitches) never addresses the inherent issues that cause so many of our poorest neighborhoods to be black and brown but then degrades those who live there as being disgusting.

    Stop bitching and get moving if you see a problem.

    Meanwhile, that was one funny f’ing list. And using a comma to denote a missing letter or letters is the correct use of the punctuation.

  103. Jeff Simmermon Says:

    @amg: Hear, hear! I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s language, it’s the way people talk. In the 1940s, the same people would have said the same thing about kids singing blues songs in the schoolyard.

  104. Sizimon Says:

    Yo ya’ll I got more fr this list! Read this shiznit!

    Bi’atches!
    Bitches who eat doo doo
    Bitches that be having a bald spot
    Bitches who think they all that but ain’t
    Bitches who don’t know they bitches
    Bitches who carry their dogs round all the time
    Bitches who on TV and think they all that
    Bitches that are wack
    Bitches that dress in all immitation designer shiznit
    Bitches who aint got no man but think they do
    Bitches who don’t know that they is female dogs
    Bitches that think they all that cuz they fly one time
    Bitches that think they can sing but cant
    Bitches who be playing my ass
    Bitches that bitch at other bitches
    Bitches that dress in all one color cuz they think they all that
    Bitches that got yellow eyes cuz they dirty
    Gap toothed bitches with spinich in they teeth
    Camel toe bitches
    Spit when they talk bitches
    Bitches who think they from africa but was born in the ghetto
    Bitches that think they all that but actually got toe fungas
    Think they all that cuz their dad got money bitches
    Long nose hair bitches
    Bitches that is ain’t givin you no respect
    Bitches that be playin they man
    Bitches that ain’t got no money but think they does!

  105. phooey Says:

    One of the missing ones has to be bitches that be dissin’ on the Disney Channel: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/005072.html

  106. Sizimon Says:

    Playin with they cheese pussy bitch
    Bitch who steal yo shit
    Bitches that lick they selves
    Bitches who call bitches, bitches
    Crazy Bitches
    Bitches that talk all gay!
    Bitches that is all gay
    Bitches that think they gay but ain’t
    Bitches that is Lesbians and dig the fatties
    Bitches with stretch marks
    Bitches who is in third grade and be hangin with 4th graders
    Bitches that eat icecream up they butts
    Bitches with cheese fungus
    Bitches that ain’t got no eye brows cuz they pluck and is stupid
    Bitches that draw on their eyebrows
    Wig wearin bitches
    Bitches with clown shoes
    Bitches who be wearin fake nails
    Bitches with a tramp stamp
    Broken bone bitches beggin fer simpathy
    Bitches who think they all that but who I hate
    Whitches who aint got no satisfaction
    Bitches who think they all that cuz they use Pedegg

  107. Teacher Michael Says:

    Bella Belladonna,
    You talk about “ending a culture.” There were some people (and still are) that I’ve tried to that before. We usually refer to it as genocide. Simply because something doesn’t coincide with your particular (-ly bent, and sheltered) worldview, is hardly reason enough to call for its dismissal.

    As for the rest of you stupid bitches who think 3rd graders don’t talk like this… well.. my addition to this list would have to be: living under a rock in a cave bitches.

  108. Lizita Says:

    “If this is is our future…” Oh, shut it. Does anyone really not remember the disturbing shit you’ve thought up in childhood and the teenage years? This list is AMAZING. Fantastic powers of observation. Perhaps a budding scientist?

  109. fake name Says:

    thank you @amg! i was about to ask “of all the people who left im so offended comments on here, raise your hand if your white & middle class”. uhuh. SHUT IT.

  110. Smmmmmmm Says:

    Really, I can’t beleive these were left out:

    -always be textin’ bitches
    -always be callin’ bitches
    -always up in your junk bitches
    -needy bitches
    -daddy’s expensive car bitches
    -high top bitches
    -trendy bitches
    -impatient bitches
    -little Miss Perfect bitches
    -celebrity bitches
    -got-money-to-blow bitches
    -will-blow-for-money bitches

  111. jlb Says:

    I’m the “bitch” who constantly fights against the kyriarchy that teaches people, even children, to dehumanize women, people of color, homosexuals, etc. This list is a sad statement of just how insanely sexist our culture is. The list is also rife with racism, classism, and homophobia. Spare me the lighten up crap. This list & approval of it is proof positive that there are many people who disdain women in general, now matter what they do or don’t do. Having such an attitude leads to actions that directly hurt women. It also shows disdain for people of color, some self-hate, disdain for the working class, disdain for the LGBTIQ community, etc – people who regularly live with threats of violence & limits on their rights as human beings. If children are thinking this stuff now & adults are approving it, what will these children be like when they grow up? This is so not ok. It’s hurtful & mean. Just b/c it doesn’t target you, or maybe it does & you have some self esteem issues, doesn’t mean it can’t be hurtful to others. Pull your head out of your ass, there is more to see in this world than your own shit.

  112. Pedro Says:

    I call BS. There’s no way a 3rd grader (even in the city) would make a list like that. Conceited? Protecting their store? No third grader can be that specific. Most third graders would just cuss. The hand writing could be faked by a hipster who’s trying to be funny.

  113. Adrienne Says:

    Sorry La Madrin…. but your translation for: “4) Dickriding Bitches = Bitches that be hanging out with the guys. Does not equate to the literal translation implied.”

    is wrong, wrong, wrong. A dickriding bitch = a bitch that’s a copy cat who always trying to do what somebody else is doing – copy their style, etc. Goes along w/ an uncreative bitch.

  114. LMAO Says:

    The author forgot to add “bitches who can’t spell”

  115. miko Says:

    dont know how to spell bitches.

  116. 90 types of bitches …. « Schriekstraat 44 Says:

    [...] is deze de eerste van een reeks van vier om in totaal tot 90 bitches te komen. De server met het volledige lijstje ligt – vermoed ik – plat momenteel [...]

  117. pms Says:

    shut UP “jlb” im a gay black man and i think this is hysterical – you think the person who wrote this actually views the world this way? anyone who makes a list of “types of bitches” is trying to be FUNNY in SOME way…..and i think its just sad as hell that you are perusing the internet under blog archives to comment on other people what your own view is on morality and free speech, youre quite the little cavalier arent you? you are clearly a better human being for not being able to laugh and having no life

  118. Dan Says:

    variation on a theme: http://bit.ly/typesofaholes

  119. bitches: lemme break it down for you « neon in daylight Says:

    [...] the rest of the list (to #90!) and the back story, please indulge here. *on second thought, looks like those dirty bitches broke their server. [...]

  120. la Says:

    I’m pretty sure this wasn’t written by a third grader. 8 and 9 year old kids typically do not write this well and do not have this kind of vocabulary. Sure, they might use the word “bitch” to describe someone, but I can almost guarantee you that an older sibling wrote this list…and it’s pretty damn funny.

    The creativity and length of the list is quite impressive. What concerns me is the massive amount of negativity aimed at her own gender.

  121. Alison Says:

    Not much of a speller…but certainly an extensive cataloging of bitches. Maybe it’ll be out in paperback soon

  122. AggieZ Says:

    What’s a dusty trick bitch?

  123. Supa Dupa Fresh, the Freshwidow Says:

    Oh man. Those kids are NOT getting enough homework. On the bright side, at least the bitch who wrote this is not innumerate.

    X

    Supa

  124. Paul Says:

    Looks like work of Marion Barry…

  125. Mandy Says:

    Really, I was impressed by the grammar. Proper use of than vs then?! The correct for of there/their/they’re?

    She be a smart ass bitch.

  126. embalene Says:

    I think “no count bitches” should be in there somewhere.

  127. sick-of-this-job Says:

    How about one for my boss:

    Interrupt-me-every-other-second-drowned- in-nasty-perfume-screaming-in-my-ear-repeating-herself-micromanaging-overtanned-scary-skinny-wrinkly-drag-queen-face bitch

  128. aSpacemanIAm Says:

    As a middle class, white male, I find this list pretty hilarious. I learned ALL my cusswords up to ‘motherfucker’ in the first grade, so I find it entirely plausible a third grader could write this. I also was pretty good with spelling and grammar (perhaps better than this person when I was her age) so I again, find it plausible a third grader wrote this.

    As for people who are crying about this ‘being our future’. Realize that this is the work of a child who will grow up and realize what’s right and what’s wrong. The idea that she’ll hold on to this list as a guideline for life is not only presumptive foolishness, but just simple, downright stupidity.

    The likelihood that she wrote this list seriously is rather small in and of itself.

    Overzealous bitches
    Doubting internet validity bitches.

    Bitches is as bitches does.

  129. tdet Says:

    “I got 99 bitches but there’s a problem with some…”

  130. Captain Pasty Says:

    Oh, fun times,
    I’m definitely #’s 88, 61 and 37. Tall, tomboy, and same-clothes-wearing, betches!

  131. Cleaveland Says:

    I ain’t no weather man, but it sure be rainin’ bitches.

  132. Naomi Says:

    This list is great, it’s creative and funny, and educational! I have learned what talking shoes are, and also what dickriding means.

    I’ll bet there were a few friends that collaborated on this list, or maybe an older and younger sister. Definitely written by young bitches, and probably started about a specific bitch that was mean to one of the other bitches, and then turned into the expanded all bitches list.

    People that are down on this or the bitches who wrote it are lacking a sense of humor, and also need a reality check about the real world.

  133. referee bitch Says:

    aint none of yo bitches shud be addin nuthin to this list. stop it.

  134. wister Says:

    Yet another proof, if proof be needed, of the explosive energy of black speech in America. The great unknown romance of our history.

  135. gatetree Says:

    Talking Shoe:
    http://www.talkingshoe.com/

  136. Fred Says:

    Please don’t forget “Irregardless Bitches”

  137. nikkisioux Says:

    Bitches who can’t spell

    Bitches who think they all that cause they can talk with British Accents

    Camel-toe bitches

    Cat-lady Bitches

  138. Meow Says:

    Jackhole bitches

  139. michele15 Says:

    wow. this is pathetic. and misogynistic. and so is anyone who supports it. how jackass are you people, anyway? if you think this is funny, you probably also appreciate jay leno’s humor and have an IQ of about 82.

  140. eriktrips Says:

    Some third-grader found this on the playground or bus. Somebody much older wrote it. I don’t care how much has changed in the ::mumble:: years I’ve been out of grade school. And yeah, it’s written by (a) girl(s), whose use of “bitch” is more complicated than can be explained by internalized sexism.

    That there is what I think.

  141. Benopolis Says:

    I too was of the mind it wasn’t necessarily from an 8 year old. Some of it’s kind of funny. My IQ is 139 last i checked.

  142. AussieQWoC Says:

    Working class queer woc aka ME proclaims this list incredibly fucking hirailious. Here in Australia the word cunt would substitute for bitches. Think on that all you high and mighty haters shoving your political agenda down our throats. Also: Wister: hells yes. Moar plz?

  143. Laurie G. Says:

    I took a page out of an old Armour Hot Dogs commercial and came up with these for the missing #44 – #49:
    44.) Fat bitches.
    45.) Skinny bitches.
    46.) Bitches who climb on rocks.
    47.) Tough bitches.
    48.) Sissy bitches.
    49.) Bitches with chicken pox.

  144. Strelnikov Says:

    Last April this list appeared on a blog and it was attributed to a sixth grader in a Baltimore charter school.
    http://s10.zetaboards.com/SOTF_V2/topic/603683/1/

  145. dusti Says:

    amazed at the # of people who are totally ignorant of urban culture but feel free to comment and be shocked but not willing to do anything positive

  146. teem Says:

    Handel Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    I wish the list had gone to 99, sort of like a counterpoint to Jay-Z’s 99 Problems

    I guess you could add bitches who don’t know how to use counterpoint.

  147. qwertyuiop Says:

    Considering that my own daughter took an IQ test at age 4, and was shown to have a 178 IQ (she was speaking in full sentences, with multi-syllable words at 18mos), it is highly plausible that someone at the age of 8 wrote this, especially a child growing up in the DC area who hears their older siblings, older peers, etc. all speaking the same way about bitches.

  148. Abdul Says:

    Don’t forget the “nose stuck in a book intead of yo ass bitches.” “Brainy Bitches” Rug munching Bitches” “Why are they getting all the men bitches” “Dead bitches” “rich bitches who won’t share even though you said hi…bitches. hmmmm…

  149. nyclady Says:

    Working in inner-city NYC schools, which can relate to DC schools on a certain level, its not improbable that while this student is in 3rd grade, they are actually 10 or 11 years old. Many kids do not pass kindergarten or first grade for lack of basic reading skills, and therefore are older than some of their 3rd grade classmates. Could explain the more advanced language.

  150. west coast biotch ya'll Says:

    #32 coast signing bitches = exactly that. West Coast vs East Coast ala Tupac and Biggie. Where are you all getting “cosigning” from that???

  151. jibjab Says:

    Hey, jib. My money is on a girl being the responsible party of authorship. With that said, I declare the missing folio’s of #44-58 akin to the burning of the library of Alexandria. One can only ponder at the insightful bitchatudes that we will never read.

  152. rach Says:

    bitches that be carrying their stupid tiny dog in a big ass ugly purse in the grocery store

  153. Bella Belladonna Says:

    To everyone rationalizing this saying “it’s just urban culture” or “at least they can articulate themselves” or any other way to justify it:

    Seriously? Are your standards so low for black urban kids that if you see a list like this you think “at least they can articulate themselves?” Are you that impressed that a black kid wrote a couple pages that you ignore the content?

    This has gotten around the internet a fair bit and most of the “at least she can articulate her feelings” comments are from upper middle class white liberals who would be appalled if their OWN child wrote this list. But somehow it’s okay when a black kid does it, because obviously the standards you have for your own child and your own child’s schools are totally separate from the patronizing BS you give to a black kid in an urban school.

    Primary school children should not be writing about “dick riding bitches” and to excuse it with the underlying rationale of “oh it’s okay, its a black person thing” when you would never tolerate that from your own child is hypocritical racist bull.

  154. Bella Belladonna Says:

    “You talk about “ending a culture.” There were some people (and still are) that I’ve tried to that before. We usually refer to it as genocide. Simply because something doesn’t coincide with your particular (-ly bent, and sheltered) worldview, is hardly reason enough to call for its dismissal.”

    Um no, actually the best way to put a stop to this type of culture is education, good parenting, and holding yourself to higher standards.

    Also not playing tripe that encourages bitch-speak on MTV, but that’s a whole new can of worms.

    How sad that you think the cure for ignorance is murder.

  155. Beah-tch Says:

    shut up and go hit the pipe- Bitch!
    and dat’s a quote from an 11 yr old in Watts
    so don’t judge- rejoice in the creativity & the Humanity….one of those things we forget from time to time, we are all HUMAN , bitches mayb, but ALL human.

  156. Angela Says:

    Got #8 down, but…WTFH is a dusty trick bitch…Maybe that’s my problem with #:-) 8

  157. Nick Says:

    This is a right of passage in my family. I was given a list like this passed down from my dad when I turned 10. It was passed to him from his dad. Each successive son adds more bitches to the list as they’re discovered. It’s a family legacy, the wisdom of fathers conferred on their sons.

  158. anon Says:

    ITT bitches on the internet discover that anthropology is ambiguous.

  159. A teacher Says:

    This is product of middle school kids entertaining themselves at a cafeteria lunch table. If it was from a 3rd graders pocket, the kid stole it from an older siblingbecause they wanted to be in on big sisters clique. 3rd graders just aren’t that collectively mean just yet. Being collectively mean is what middle schoolers do. And the list has every indication of a group

  160. Quetta Says:

    I know just about every bitch on this list, to which many of them I encounter as an adult. We are all well aware of the behaviors that deem them so. If nothing else, I can appreciate that at such a tender age (3rd grade) this student is aware of how people can be full of shit and deemed a bitch. There’s no telling where I would be if I had been hip to the game in the 3rd grade. I would have saved a lot of time fooling with people who at their very core lies a BITCH!

  161. DC teacher Says:

    bitches who want to comment on things they have not seen, heard, lived or even marginally appreciated.

    (more specifically)
    * don’t know a tenderhead bitch
    * couldn’t find a kitchen bitch
    * can’t discern a lingual pattern in vernaculars bitch
    * tryin to apply this list to your elitist college life, BITCH?
    * “really wish i could save them” bitches
    * (who often become) “i’m applying to TFA” bitches
    * “can i touch your hair?” bitches
    * bitches who be perplexed that some people don’t shampoo daily
    * “what does a weave look like?” bitches
    * don’t know how to correctly use ‘dark, brown, light-skinned or chocolate’ bitches
    * bitches always assumed to be named Sara/h, Ashley or Jenny
    * brown friends don’t mean you’re not racist, BITCH
    * stuck on some double negatives bitches
    * strugglin to read children’s stories by Lucille Clifton bitches

    And for all your DMV sisters
    * can’t cross the Anacostia because she couldn’t save herself bitch
    * never heard of SEU-Waterfront, but lives on the Green Line bitch
    * think a phone number that starts with 202 makes you hard, BITCH?
    * bitches who live ‘on the Hill,’ not in SE
    * bitches who be scared to ride buses
    * think DC has a prison, BITCH?
    * how is it possible that you work with all white people, BITCH?
    * “oh, i go running through that neighborhood” as a badge of honor bitches

  162. ninja Says:

    as for the feminist argument, men can be bitches too. (sexist bitches)
    as for language development, a 3rd grader with a high aptitude for spelling could spell most of the words right, and if they’re exposed to that kind of language at home or in their neighborhood, would know that things like co-signing bitches and dickriding bitches exist. Since we don’t get definitions, we can’t know if the kids who wrote this list actually KNOW what kind of bitches these are (hence coast-signing = cosigning). That would make them “don’t know what they saying bitches”

  163. vj Says:

    What kind of third grade teacher finds this and thinks, how funny that my 3rd grader wrote this,I think I’ll share it with the world? I am a teacher and I would be concerned if I found this in a 3rd grade class room.

  164. really! Says:

    Ya’ll this is real life and kids of all colors curse.

    Amazing that some folks are so clueless.

    Pay attention to your own child you will be amazed at some of the things kids say.

    I’m convinced that Bella Belladonna lives in a gated suburban enclave…

    I have met 8 year olds that are sexually active in the public school system.

    Doesn’t surprise me

  165. LK Says:

    “teem Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Handel Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    I wish the list had gone to 99, sort of like a counterpoint to Jay-Z’s 99 Problems

    I guess you could add bitches who don’t know how to use counterpoint.”

    Actually, since Jay-Z has 99 Problems, but a bitch ain’t one, I think that the use of counterpoint in this instance is appropriate. As they are two things that can have their difference outlined/contrasted.

    Also, I’m about to be a #69 bitch as I go get cinnamon buns from the corner shop.

  166. RonDog Says:

    Hey jib, this ones for you….

    Bitches who thinks their shit don’t stink.

  167. valpak Says:

    Bella Belladonna, why are you assuming that a black kid wrote this list? you’re calling other people racist?

  168. expressions Says:

    so, i guess a 3rd grader saw the older list online and wrote it out??? *shrug*

  169. degrading society Says:

    This is truly sad, if this was written by a 3rd-grader, shouldn’t it be the adults reading this post that need to wake up and accept how quickly adolescents learn and if a child is surrounded by this kind of behavior, isn’t it only natural for them to accept and mold to it?
    Most parents rely on the school system to raise their children, well this is the result. either get with the program and tend to your children to redirect this type of behavior and to something a little more constructive to society? i do applaud whoever wrote this piece. Stereotypes do exist for a reason and until they can be debunked in their entirety, they will always exist. education and the realization that children learn much quicker and are sponges soaking up all the garbage reality tv, this idealism will only become more commonplace.

  170. laughing bitch Says:

    I am a white (pasty at that) middle class bitch,,,and I love this list!! Kids do/say/write shit like this all the time, so one list made it to the public eye. AND?!?! Wake up and enjoy it for what it is. Oh,,,by the way,, the list only gets longer as we get older!!!!

  171. Anthony Says:

    This is just great! Life is good. When I was a kid I know a girl… She was a “YOUR MOM WEARS COMBAT BOOTS BITCH”. Add the bitch to the list.

  172. Anthony Says:

    What is the opposite of a Bitch? A Man-Whore? We should start a Man-Whore List?????

  173. No Namer Says:

    “valpak Says:
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:11 am
    Bella Belladonna, why are you assuming that a black kid wrote this list? you’re calling other people racist?”

    Probably because the list refers to white bitches thinkin they all that.. and spanish bitches thinkin they hair is better, and so on. I agree with Bella. I think it’s funny how people are like “Aww.. well at least she knows how to write and semi-spell ebonics. Good on her.” I know if my parents had found a list like that in my possession they would have whooped my ass and taken action. They wouldn’t have laughed like “Woooo, child, dat iz some funny shitz! Which bitch I be on dat list?”

    It’s not a matter of wiping off a group of people from the Earth by genocide or any other drastic form like that. Some of you people on here are like “Oh they live in the poorest parts of the city, and you know nothing about that kind of life. They act like that because they’re poor.” Bullshit. I knew plenty of young black people who grew up in “the ghetto” and grew up so poor they slept with roaches at night, and they came to school talking NORMALLY with proper grammar, and grew up to be so successful and graduate with Master’s degrees. They didn’t need to act or even talk like the list suggests these kids talk. So no, it’s not because they live in a poor neighborhood, it’s because THE PARENTS aren’t breaking the cycle by teaching them. By the 3rd grade kids should already know that “wearing shoes that BE talking” is not how to form that sentence. It has nothing to do with “oh the kid is only 8 and they don’t know any better.”

  174. BurntHam Says:

    Fascinating.

  175. marty Says:

    I think the penmanship is too good for a 3rd grader

  176. jewles Says:

    LMAO….this is great…got some to add..
    1.Young ass bitches that got too much time on they hands.
    2.Scary bitches
    3.Funky bitches
    4.Slutty bitches
    5.No joke getting bitches.

  177. midwestbch Says:

    Kudos to DCTeacher – great comments.
    sincerely,
    middleagemidwestmiddleclasswhiteass bitch.

    The kid has talent.

  178. art Says:

    I wish someone with technical know-how would turn this into a “bitch-a-day” widget. Or maybe an App. I would totally pay for that App.

  179. Amber Says:

    Hahahaha!!! I love how people take some silly list so serious! If you’re so offended STOP READING THE STUPID LIST and go do something else.

    I find this list to be hilarious and truthfuly I think some people really need to lighten up. Laugh a little, shit.

  180. Q Says:

    needin’ to kick rocks bitches

  181. Billy Says:

    Love this! It is great fodder for a future spelling lesson.

  182. blah Says:

    Yeah, Amber, because apathy is the best way to deal with things. It’s definitely done a lot of good for society so far.

  183. Juliet Says:

    Jeff-
    This is sad. Sad that it was thought about, sad that it’s written, and sad that it’s being posted as funny.
    Can’t really put into words right now how depressing and offensive this is. Very disappointed.

  184. Nina Says:

    I work with public school students from three age through senior high. d.c and PG Co public schools. a few that are most memorable are: “me an my sista we are bicth ass niggas” from a 7 tr. old! There allin you grill bithes and need to be minding their owm dam

  185. rosie Says:

    blog commentin’ bitches

  186. pushermanpoet Says:

    47.) 3rd Grade Bitches

  187. 7thGradeScienceTeacherBitch Says:

    #347
    Insane tryin’ 2 teach me sumthin’ bitches

  188. White Lotus Says:

    Really, William Shatner ought to perform this work of art.

  189. Iamthegodofhellfire Says:

    No Namer,
    Good points, for once someone critical of the list has something intelligent to say, but really, don’t you think that well-behaved, well spoken kids could have cranked this out just to cut loose and be silly? It’s just a childish goof, not a manifesto for living, although it does remind me of Matt Groening’s “101 types of co-workers” (or whatever he called it) cartoon. Grade school years are all about being obnoxious, making fun of each other and ourselves, trying on identities, creating characters and, especially, pretending to be older and more streetwise than you actually are. Switch out a few words and it could have been written by a bunch of kids anywhere. I’m as whitebread as anyone and me and my friends in middle school LIVED for this kind of nonsense. Hell, some people have made lucrative careers out of it.
    Best comment so far: “the list gets longer as you get older.”

  190. neh Says:

    If this had been written

    List of girls I don’t like:
    1. girls who lie
    2. girls who cheat
    3. girls who think they are better than anyone else

    I think most of the “OMG think of the children” commenters above wouldn’t have a problem.

    This has simply been written in the version of English that this girl lives with and understands. Just because it is different to yours does not make it wrong. We would still be using thee’s and thou’s if language never changed.

    Expression is the most important thing, not spelling!

  191. maya Says:

    I work with kids in the public school system. And I find it to be pretty sad when kids are recognized for published works such as this one! I find it sad that as i’m reading the comments posted, that many adults are condoning this type of behavior! (lets help raise the next serial raspiest!) This child has serious fucked up values! Because regardless of there sex, they have been raised by women, and regardless of how those women may have carried them selves, they deserve respect for being for just being there! So i have a suggestion for future readers, lets start uplifting the youth around us! Because if this is there view now, what will it be like when they are a contributing member of society? Do you really want this person to decide what our futures will be like?

  192. tns Says:

    I agree with No Namer and Belladonna. Just as we can safely deduce that it was a girl who wrote this, so we can deduce that she is black. And the spineless people who applaud the “creativity” and condescend to say that “at least she’s writing” make me the saddest of all. It’s because you people have such low standards that our country’s education system is so far below everyone else’s. We accept (and laud!) embarrassing shit like this as acceptable work for a 3rd grader.
    And furthermore, why IS it considered ok that a black student would be writing like this? Shouldn’t the standards be the same for everyone?
    For the record, I come from a place that makes the ghettoes of DC look like Candyland, and it’s a place I wish many of you would visit so that you could get some perspective in life.

  193. Turner Burner Says:

    I think people are people and women are women and we do what we do when we feel like it.. Bitches ain’t bitches. but people can sometimes be.. live life free and enjoy every moment. take minutes slow and hours slower.

  194. Allison Wright Says:

    Hmm. will we get to follow up in a few years? If the kid is hard to track down after dropping out of the 6th grade, I’m telling you, check the surrounding area correctional facilities. I’d be interested to find out exactly how many kinds of bitches this one becomes.

  195. Allison Wright Says:

    P.S. Hi Ninja!

  196. Marshakitty Says:

    Like many people in this list, I am many of these bitches. I’m also a public school teacher in a big northeastern city. This list was found on a floor, it is a part of kid culture and the folks here who have taken this work for what it is, a beautiful glimpse into kid work, are right on.

    All the rest of y’all need to lighten up.

  197. Here_we_go_again Says:

    I wrote shit lists, bitch lists,  yo’ mamma lists, and ugly lists in grade school ( prob around 3rd grade when all my other friends cursed freely) and middle school. I wrote them in “standard’” English, carribean dialect, and Language that reflected a very particular upbringing in Bed Stuy and Flatbush. I probably had quite a few spelling errors as well. I then went home, did my homework, studied, while my parents were at work… Somewhere between all of that I jotted five more things to add to the group list at lunch time and hid them deep in my bag for fear of an ass whooping … Fast foward a few years, I went to a reputable college, excelled in a masters program, have a strong worldview and have made many concientious decisions for my life and career. I still encounter a few bitches, but just don’t have the time to write it down. Stop being so judgemental. Damning her, her values, her upbringing, her likely future is ridiculous.  She might be a “reflection of our future”  but these are just a few sheets of paper not a manifesto or a clear indicator of a life rife with turmoil.  Give the child time and space to grow, find herself and come into what’s right for her. Stop being  self righteous, stone casting, presumptuous bitches.         

  198. Here_we_go_again Says:

    Because I know it will follow… conscientious

  199. ShanAlexa Says:

    How old was this child again???

  200. Jenn Says:

    You forgot “List making bitches” ….

  201. fredflintstone Says:

    Has anyone actually considered that it may be the work of a TEACHER?

  202. dgy Says:

    Doin too much bitches.

  203. No Namer Says:

    Iamthegodofhellfire,

    I do see what you’re saying, and it did cross my mind. I’m not trying to damn the child, and say she will grow up to be a failure at all, as Here_we_go_again is saying. Yes, children do these things, and as Here_we_go_again said he/she hid them so as not to get an asswhooping. I’m sure there are many written pieces of work by kids that don’t get ANY kind of praise by adults. Children write so many stories (meaningless to some of the adults that read them) about make believe trips or make believe situations. A lot of adults just take a glance and fake a smile, “Oh, nice.” and hand it back. Show these same adults the bitches list and they all lose their minds. What a masterpiece!! Holy shit, this girl is going places! That is what I find crazy.

    The list would have probably made me laugh if I was in the 3rd grade, but now that I’m older I can see why my parents would have frowned on it. If they were just cutting loose and being silly with it then fine, but when you work with kids in this age group and see that they are actually writing papers with the same kind of sentence structure (I be going to the mall), you notice that it’s not always them just being silly. It’s them being them, and if their parents had set the standard higher for these kids they’d know that no acceptable university is going to let them in if they are writing essays that way. Thus, the cycle continues.

    Someone made a comment wayyyy earlier and, I’m not going to scroll up to find it, about how the poor people are uneducated because of people like us who keep them down. No one forces you to do anything. If you really want an education there are ways of getting it. I really don’t want to bring up race issues and start a big fight with people because it’s not my intention at all, and I don’t claim to be an expert so don’t crucify me here, but… I dont think slaves were allowed to be educated, and it is my understanding that the slave owners did want to keep them that way to keep them around and so on. It looks to me that they have risen up though. They educated themselves despite that the pro-slavers wanted to keep them down. They went on to do wonderful things with themselves. They became distinguished writers, doctors, scientists. They didn’t accept the fact that they were poor, that their mama was poor, grandmama was poor.. so that was their only choice in life. And they did it with much more adversity and many more consequences than I believe people have in today’s society.

    Sorry for being long winded.

  204. majortominor Says:

    This is awful. Studies have shown with 100% infallibility that we would have no poverty, war, or racial discrimination if kids didn’t know words like “bitch.”

  205. majortominor Says:

    This girl should have been spending her time writing and reading enlightening and unpredictable comments on some web outlet like this one.

  206. Herbert Gambill Says:

    Just occurred to me that if you look up the “Lost” lottery numbers (4 8 15 16 23 42) in this list you get: “Fishy bitches, who can’t keep a man, want to be jocking [flirting], think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone, who are funky looking, and think they get money.” Yes, I think I know what is going to happen in the next 11 episodes!

  207. alice Says:

    as enlightening an entertaining as this list was, the comments made by so many people were even more enlightening. people get a grip. this a child. and while some of her thoughts may be inappropriate, i’ve heard worse. and from “upper middle class” students. and while there was so much criticism about the penmanship, grammar and spelling, no one gave this child the appropriate props for the proper use of the word “their” i know college graduates with multiple degrees that don’t know how to use their/there/they’re correctly.

    as a teacher, i applaud her!

  208. alice Says:

    and majortominor, their has been poverty, war and racial discrimination since time immemorial, certainly millenia before the word “bitches” was used.

  209. alice Says:

    my final words: note my mistake in the improper usage of the word “their” this is an illustration of how common the incorrect usage of these word are, yet our third grader used it correctly every time.

  210. Seth Says:

    This is great..I really like the idea of a scavenger hunt for the 90 photos that match the bitch types..Ba ha ha ha ha!!!

  211. Maxie Says:

    wtf cheesy teeth bitches…

    i think kids are learning a lot more than i ever learned in the 3rd grade.

  212. Riiiight Says:

    alice, yet she couldn’t say “thinking their hair is better” instead of “thinkin they hair is better”. Let’s applaud that too, teacher.

  213. cassandra Says:

    I’m a #76 and a #89

  214. Jeff Simmermon Says:

    Alright, that’s enough. Everything that can be said about this has been said over and over again by now. I’m turning the comments off just to give us all a break.