Is there a worse word in American English than the dreaded “c-word?” I really need to describe pretty much the worst human being I’ve ever heard of, and “cunt” seems downright generous under the circumstances. I like the Jamaican “bumba claat,” but it’s not really my language and I need to see clearly when I swing this hammer.

It’s a shame I can’t ask the author of the little document below. If he doesn’t have any leads now, I bet he will in a couple years. A good friend of mine teaches GED school. He found this on a desk in his classroom last month:

It appears to be the ABCs of profanity in six letters or more. As an artifact, it’s kind of impressive in the same family as the epic Type of Bitches. But the kid seems to have failed his own assignment. A lot of these are phrases containing profanity instead of words. And in the case of Q for quagmire — that’s just a noun.

I’d love to hear your proposals for improvements here, though. There’s something about the etymology of profanity that just gets me all excited. It’s what I like to call the subtle romance of the cuss-word.

I’ve typed this out below for the benefit of Google and the visually impaired:

More Than 6 Letters

A – Asshole
B – Bitchass
C – Crapton
D – Dickfacec
E – Ejaculation
F – Fucker
G – German Nazi Assfucker
H – Hellhole
I – Idiot
J – Jackass
K – King King’s dingdong
L – Lick it you hoe
M – Motherfucker
N – I can’t do this one ’cause I’m white
O – Oddballz
P – Pussy
Q – Quagmire
R – Retard
S – Shitload
T – Tranny
U – Underwear
V – Vagina
W – What the fuck
X – XXX porn
Y – You’re a whore
Z – Zat’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!