Found In A GED Classroom: Profanity in Six Letters or More (or The Subtle Romance of the Cuss Word)
Is there a worse word in American English than the dreaded “c-word?” I really need to describe pretty much the worst human being I’ve ever heard of, and “cunt” seems downright generous under the circumstances. I like the Jamaican “bumba claat,” but it’s not really my language and I need to see clearly when I swing this hammer.
It’s a shame I can’t ask the author of the little document below. If he doesn’t have any leads now, I bet he will in a couple years. A good friend of mine teaches GED school. He found this on a desk in his classroom last month:
It appears to be the ABCs of profanity in six letters or more. As an artifact, it’s kind of impressive in the same family as the epic Type of Bitches. But the kid seems to have failed his own assignment. A lot of these are phrases containing profanity instead of words. And in the case of Q for quagmire — that’s just a noun.
I’d love to hear your proposals for improvements here, though. There’s something about the etymology of profanity that just gets me all excited. It’s what I like to call the subtle romance of the cuss-word.
I’ve typed this out below for the benefit of Google and the visually impaired:
More Than 6 Letters
A – Asshole
B – Bitchass
C – Crapton
D – Dickfacec
E – Ejaculation
F – Fucker
G – German Nazi Assfucker
H – Hellhole
I – Idiot
J – Jackass
K – King King’s dingdong
L – Lick it you hoe
M – Motherfucker
N – I can’t do this one ’cause I’m white
O – Oddballz
P – Pussy
Q – Quagmire
R – Retard
S – Shitload
T – Tranny
U – Underwear
V – Vagina
W – What the fuck
X – XXX porn
Y – You’re a whore
Z – Zat’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!
January 3rd, 2011 at 10:52 pm
My favorite part is that the entry for “I” is only five letters.
January 4th, 2011 at 2:13 am
I’m pretty sure Germannaziassfucker is one word.
I love his self-censorship on the letter N. It shows that he’s not willing to be truly offensive.
The best might be Idiot though because it isn’t even 6 letters.
January 4th, 2011 at 10:33 am
Do any of these epithets work?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEE8mNHxWFU
January 4th, 2011 at 6:13 pm
i’d be more impressed that this person knows the word “quagmire” if i wasn’t so sure it came from Family Guy
January 10th, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Well timed. We groom them young toward accepting violence.
January 14th, 2011 at 7:21 am
Thoughtful. Misplaced; but thoughtful. It’s a start, isn’t it?
January 26th, 2011 at 8:41 am
Quagmire is a reference to a Family Guy character.
January 26th, 2011 at 8:47 am
U looks to be Underunderwear not Underwear.
I guess that means genitals.
January 26th, 2011 at 9:51 am
I thought U was Udderunderwear, meaning a bra.
January 26th, 2011 at 9:52 am
He must be a idiotic German tranny who tops (since there was no self censorship there).
January 26th, 2011 at 10:04 am
That list looks like something my fourteen-year-old son, who has Tourette’s, would do.
You should see the sketchbooks he’s filled at home.
January 26th, 2011 at 10:30 am
Are you sure this came from a GED classroom? This stinks to me of 5th grader.
January 26th, 2011 at 10:33 am
I think that a lot of kids in GED classrooms may only have a 5th-grade education, thanks to social promotion and other institutional tragedies.
January 26th, 2011 at 11:33 am
Is anyone else thinking computer passwords? That’s 26 months of work computer passwords. Thanks GED kid!
January 26th, 2011 at 12:35 pm
1) The kid didn’t say “words”; he just said “more than 6 letters”.
2) Quagmire is also sleazy character on Family Guy, so the word could easily be used to call someone a skeezebag.
@god5mltk4k3: GED classes are often taught in other schools, so it could have come been in the class before the teacher got there. Also, it shouldn’t be terribly shocking that a GED candidate, especially a youngish one, created such a list.
January 26th, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Did your friend know who was sitting at the desk where he found this golden nugget? If so, he might be able to guide his creativity towards something more sustainable for his future, unless he plans on writing a book of entertaining ABC lists.
I feel a pang of guilt at having a laugh at this kid’s expense. If only his parents, neighborhood, the school system, generational poverty or any other of the morass of reasons behind him landing in a GED class hadn’t surrounded him.
January 26th, 2011 at 1:40 pm
How about quagmire as a word similar to moist? I mean it fits that connotation. And who cares if he learned it from Family Guy. Fuck yeah Family Guy for teaching kids awesome words.
Also, good job kid for G: Germannaziassfucker. Fuckin’ killer.
I hope if I ever get told off by someone it’s this kid.
January 26th, 2011 at 9:20 pm
That’s actually very impressive. I didn’t think you could get through the whole alphabet. (And I suppose that you can’t because ejaculation is not a cuss-word and idiot barely qualifies.)
@NOTSJP: You’re not being creative enough. By substituting numbers for letters (for example, using 3 for E or ! for I) you should be fit for life. If you spend enough time, you should even be able to turn several of them into strong passwords. I offer Qu@gm!r3 as an example.
January 27th, 2011 at 2:08 am
Quimface (as in “You yoni-licking quimfaced shitfuck”)may be a somewhat older version of Cuntface. And I believe it’s King Kong’s twanger.
January 28th, 2011 at 9:42 pm
“Idiot” could be “idiota,” which isn’t English but it follows the rule in Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. Or it could be “inbred hillbilly.”
I think O should be “orgasm.” But E is already “ejaculation,” which the person must’ve been aware of. Maybe “eat cock.” And “porn star.”
S for “scumbag,” which is probably the same thing as “shitload” but nicer sounding and better looking.
February 14th, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Once bitten, twice shy.