References for the less nerdy: Tuvok / Gul Dukat

Images yoinked from TotallyLooksLike.com.
Font: Bajoran Regular by Eric Oehler.

(Just to be clear – in this scenario, I believe that you are the Jedi.)

GIF via Jonathan_Eilenberg on mlkshk.

The act of telling personal stories about one’s own life takes a certain amount of a certain type of nerve — mostly the “who the hell do you think you are” variety. Seriously: why should anyone give a whoop about my feelings about my feelings?

That feeling gets even weirder when I’m using the Internet as a megaphone to get people to my shows. “Who the fuck do you think you are telling everyone to come see whoever the hell it is you think you are” is pretty much the refrain that runs through my head every time I bathe my face in the cool glow of one rectangle or another.

But screw all that, we’ve been busting our asses to pull together a HELL of a week of shows this week in Brooklyn and Austin, TX for SXSW and I want to pull ‘em all together in one place, then crop-dust the whole Internet with ‘em all damn week.

First: We’re cock-rocking the NPR crowd with And I Am Not Lying – Live, NYC’s only comedy storytelling burlesque sideshow on Tuesday, March 6th at Union Hall in Brooklyn. You’ll see stories by me, Brad Lawrence, and Cyndi Freeman as well as magic by Albert Cadabra, burlesque by Cherry Pitz and Little Brooklyn and comedy by Wil Sylvince.

We strongly recommend advance tickets (only $10), which you can get here: And I Am Not Lying at Union Hall, Brooklyn

More info/flyer here, cool trailer here and embedded below:

Second: On Saturday, March 10th, we’ll be offering an entire day’s worth of activities in Palm Park from 11AM – 6PM The Hilton Garden Inn, 18th Floor, Colorado and Red River rooms as a part of SXSW Interactive. We’ll be having a panel discussion entitled “From Basement Burlesque To The Boardroom: What Makes a Good Story,” giving a storytelling crash course/workshop, offering comedy improv lessons, running an open mic for any storytellers, comics, or other raw and rare talents that want to do ten minutes onstage and finally — a two-hour version of the And I Am Not Lying live experience from 4-6 PM featuring the best underground storytelling and comedy that we can find – and some special surprise guests.
UPDATE – 3.9.2012

The tent at Palm Park is flooded out – there’s a whole ecosystem in there underneath the folding chairs. We are moving ALL of the And I Am Not Lying events scheduled for March 10th at SXSW to the Hilton Garden Inn in Downtown Austin – just a few blocks from Palm Park and the convention center. The hotel is at 500 North IH-35/Frontage Road, Austin, TX. Here’s a map.

Our stuff is now going to be on the 18th floor of the Hilton Garden Inn in Downtown Austin in the Colorado and Red River rooms. The content and times will stay exactly the same.

You can get more details, including an hour-by-hour breakdown and performer/presenter credentials here: Schedule of Events for And I Am Not Lying Tent at SXSW Interactive.

We also made a sweet Web graphic that you can pass around on your phone or Twitter or whatever, found here.

For up-to-the-moment news, changes, surprise guest info, you can follow us on Twitter at @andiamnotlying

Third: We’re doing a show at The New Movement Theater in Austin, Texas at 10:30 PM – also on Saturday, March 10th. We’ll have stories, burlesque, comedy and we’ll be just tired, punchy and drunk enough to shoot a pillar of pure fire straight into the sky. Performers include me (Jeff Simmermon), Andy Ross, Seth Lind, Brad Lawrence and Cyndi Freeman and some others that we are trying to nail down now.

Here are the official details, with address, etc: And I Am Not Lying at The New Movement Theater.

You don’t need a SXSW badge for this one, just a few bucks. Probably just ten bucks.

Fourth: I’m MC-ing and hosting the Slip+Lovitt SXSW Day Party on Thursday, March 15th from 11 AM to 6PM at Club 1808 (1808 E. 12th St. at Chicon.) The show features a TON of DC and VA post-punk/screamy hardcoreish math-rock bands like Regents and Beasts of No Nation, but especially includes a reunion of Virginia’s own Sleepytime Trio. Essentially, there are nine bands playing and I’ll be telling a story in between each one. It promises to be a sweaty marathon.

More on that here: Slip+Lovitt SXSW Day Party

If you want, you can find us on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, all that shit. Hope we see you this week — come on up and say hi.

The Union Hall show is on Tuesday, March 6th, 2012, 8PM. Tickets are ten dollars. We strongly recommend buying advance tickets, which you can get here:

Advance Tickets to And I Am Not Lying at Union Hall.

This month’s is going to be a doozy, friends – we’ve got:

• Comedy from Wil Sylvince
• Burlesque by Little Brooklyn and Cherry Pitz
• Storytelling by Jeff Simmermon (me), Brad Lawrence, Cyndi Freeman
• and MAGIC by Albert Cadabra

I made this flyer for it, too – I thought it was cool, anyway. I’m really into that grindhouse-cinema look.

As always, here is a fun trailer we made to promote the show:

And if you’re coming over from The Hairpin, you may want to check out this video of Cyndi at her tassel-twirling finest:

Hope we see you there!

party park

Originally uploaded by greggrestonva

Via Flickr:

UPDATE – 3.9.2012

The tent at Palm Park is flooded out – there’s a whole ecosystem in there underneath the folding chairs. We are moving ALL of the And I Am Not Lying events scheduled for March 10th at SXSW to the Hilton Garden Inn in Downtown Austin – just a few blocks from Palm Park and the convention center. The hotel is at 500 North IH-35/Frontage Road, Austin, TX. Here’s a map.

Our stuff is now going to be on the 18th floor of the Hilton Garden Inn in Downtown Austin in the Colorado and Red River rooms. The content and times will stay exactly the same.

Last week (I think) I may have mentioned that we’re putting on a whole tentload of activities at South By Southwest Interactive this year. If I am completely honest, it’s all I can do not to tear my shirt off and swing through the streets of New York screaming about this like a somewhat flabbier Tarzan.

We’ve finally gotten some stuff locked down with the tent and the order of events, and I just wanted to use this blog post to detail everything so you, me, and airbody else can hose down the Internet with this thing.

First of all: all of this takes place on March 10, 2012 in a tent in Palm Park, adjacent to the Austin Convention Center. Map here.

We’ve got a Tumblr blog set up especially for news about this which you can see here: And I Am Not Lying at SXSW. You can follow us on Twitter at @andiamnotlying and/or by using the hashtag #notlyingSXSW.

The And I Am Not Lying tent will be next to a tent sponsored by Miller. Miller will be giving badgeholders 2 free beers apiece. So there’s that to look forward to.

We’re going to be offering programming based around standup comedy, improv, and storytelling from 11 AM to 6PM, all day long. That programming is predicated around this one simple concept:

Stories are ancient and awesome, everyone loves to laugh, and Web conferences – even the best Web conference in the world – can get SO. FRICKING. BORING.

It’s not really the fault of the programmers. It’s just that … sitting there with a bunch of people while looking at a Powerpoint presentation is not that inherently exciting. Sitting around and pretending to be fascinated while someone guy in a blue dress shirt says “we’re going to leverage the API to drive traffic into out key niche markets, improving ROI and capture metrics” is exhausting. Doubly so when it comes from someone that works in marketing.

A lot of panelists are there to sell you something, to flog their book or promote their startup. We’re not. The only thing we’re trying to sell is our skill as storytellers and comics, and maybe get some better shows out of it in towns that we’d like to visit.

We’re going to sell that to you by being awesome at what it is we do: telling stories and making people laugh.

I know a lot of people come to Interactive for work, and are under some pressure to demonstrate what they learned and justify the expense. We think you learn more when you’re having fun – and honestly, what’s the better learning environment? The dim and stuffy conference room with flickering fluorescent lights, and a guy droning on about “leveraging the power of digital storytelling in a Web 2.0 environment” — or the people that do this on stages, in boardrooms and in burlesque bars 5-20 times a week? This stuff applies to pretty much any discipline, really.

Here’s a breakdown of what we’re offering, hour-by-hour. This is the copy I submitted to the folks at SXSW, anyway, but it’s not on the official schedule or the SXSW app yet, so you may have to write it down on your hand or something:

11AM – 12PM: PANEL DISCUSSION — “From Basement Burlesque to the Boardroom: What Makes Your Story Great and How Can You Make it Even Better?”

Storytelling is both the second-oldest art form and a hot “new” form of entertainment — thanks to This American Life, The Moth’s podcast and live shows, and tons of shows cropping up around the country, storytelling’s making a big comeback. It’s making a comeback in the boardroom, too. And if we are honest with ourselves, it’s just about to join “leverage” in the marketing d-bag’s haggard sack of buzzwords. “Leverage storytelling to activate your customers,” “learn story techniques,” — you’re going to hear a LOT of that at SXSW this year.

You know what you’re not going to hear anyone else talk about?

“What makes a great story?” or “How would I know a good story?”

Good stories are a little like good porn: you know ‘em when you see ‘em. But we’re going to peel that hood back together and examine what makes a story good — and how to amplify and condense that.

Join an interactive discussion with storytelling experts from across a wide range of disciplines – from NPR’s This American Life, NYC storytelling show producers and accomplished solo performers with The Moth, Story Collider, TOLD!, Real Characters, And I Am Not Lying and other shows, as well as an expert in organizational narrative – and hack through the marketing hype to find out what really makes a good story.

Panelists include

Cyndi Freeman – Hotsy Totsy Burlesque, Moth SHOP outreach instructor, Wonder Woman: A How-To Guide For Little Jewish Girls

Thaler Pekar – Smithsonian Institution, Stanford Social Innovation Review

Brad Lawrence – Moth Grand Slam champion, Moth Podcast, And I Am Not Lying

Jeff Simmermon – And I Am Not Lying (this blog, and the show with Brad and Cyndi), Time Warner Cable, This American Life contributor, Moth podcast

12-1: BASICS OF COMEDY IMPROV WORKSHOP

Learn to open yourself up to sudden, new possibilities – and seize the potential from everything that’s right in front of you. You’ll learn the rewarding art of creative play, how to surprise yourself and yank your inner comic out of the closet. In this workshop, you’ll learn how much fun it can be to say “yes” to everything, to stop being ashamed of your own ideas and to easily improvise a hilarious comic scene. Discover how letting go actually provides you with great control in seemingly crazy situations (applicable to daily life, guaranteed).

Coached by Eliza Skinner

Eliza Skinner is a producer, writer, performer, lover and fighter in Los Angeles. She has appeared on TBS’ Are we There Yet?, Showtime’s PopTudors, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, MTV’s Damage Control, and opposite Cheri Oteri in AMC’s LifeCoach. She has taught musical improv workshops all over the country with I Eat Pandas, and on her own. Eliza has also taught improv for BBC America, and on Bravo’s Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Her solo show, Eliza Skinner is: SHAMELESS ran for over a year at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater in NY and LA, and at the Comedy Central Stage in LA.

1-2PM: STORYTELLING WORKSHOP

Everyone’s got at least one story in them – whether it’s a pitch, a plan, or a tale of love gone horrifically wrong. Join Cyndi Freeman (Moth outreach instructor, storyteller, burlesque performer) and Jeff Simmermon (host, producer of And I Am Not Lying, blogger at andiamnotlying.com, award-winning storyteller) and hone your chops. Practice telling your story, identifying the change and heightening your stakes. You’ll learn how to identify stakes, own your mistakes, and create a compelling narrative.

Presenters/coaches are:

Jeff Simmermon – And I Am Not Lying, Time Warner Cable, This American Life contributor, Moth podcast

Cyndi Freeman- Hotsy Totsy Burlesque, Moth SHOP outreach instructor, Wonder Woman: A How-To Guide For Little Jewish Girls

2-3PM: STORYTELLING OPEN MIC

Have you been dying to tell the world a story? Are you tired of keynotes talking at you and dying to have other people listen to YOU for a change? Here’s your chance! This is partly an optional follow-on from the storytelling workshop at 1PM, and part full-on open mic, this is a time for anyone to tell stories to friends, enemies, and complete strangers. Gentle critique is available and totally optional for anyone who wants to tighten their story and tell it better than ever.

Hosted/facilitated by:

Jeff Simmermon: The Moth, This American Life

Brad Lawrence: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

Cyndi Freeman: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

3-4 PM: THE WORLD’S FIRST CROWDSOURCED VARIETY SHOW

Play the Battle Hymn of the Republic on dual kazoos, read the best parts of your manifesto, flog your book or flip your unicycle: all you have to do is tweet, retweet and share information about the And I Am Not Lying tent at SXSWi. The 5 folks who reach the most people win 8 minutes of stage time to perform any old messed-up PG-13 stunt their heart desires.

Hosted by

Jeff Simmermon: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, This American Life

Brad Lawrence: And I Am Not Lying (http://www.andiamnotlying.com), The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque(http://www.hotsytotsyburlesque.com/home.html)

4-6 PM: AND I AM NOT LYING – LIVE

The folks from the And I Am Not Lying blog (yes, this one) are cock-rocking the NPR crowd in their new monthly residency in Brooklyn with the best underground comedy, storytelling, burlesque and sideshow acts. This whole thing is about getting together and getting EXCITED, turning the phones off and participating in something that’s temporal, raw, and real, cramming a whole aircraft carrier’s worth of fun into one tent that’s right next to the FREE BEER TENT. Talent will include storytellers, comedians and surprise drop-ins.

Confirmed Talent:

Jeff Simmermon: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, This American Life

Brad Lawrence: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

Cyndi Freeman: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

Andy Ross: The Moth, Real Characters Stories, The Onion, MAD Magazine

Seth Lind: This American Life, Thank You, Robot, TOLD!

Eliza Skinner: UCB Theatre, Diamond Lion, Baby Wants Candy, Magic Bag

Cyndi Freeman- Hotsy Totsy Burlesque, Moth SHOP outreach instructor, Wonder Woman: A How-To Guide For Little Jewish Girls

Additional talent to be confirmed, announced via Twitter (@andiamnotlying/ #notlyingSXSW)/Tumblr.

DATING – ONE NIGHT STANDS ONLY
MEANING SODA DATE
COFFEE DATE
CAKE & ICE CREAM DATE
MEANING A WALK DATE
MEANING MAYBE ROMANCE
DUTCH DATING
THE LIBRARY
BOOK STORE
WINDOW SHOPPING
FEMALES ONLY
THE AQUARIUM
THE ZOO
A CIGARETTE MEET DATE

HAPPY VALENTIMES!!!

Thanks to a lot of awesome help from Creaghead and Co., that’s about to change.

Starting February 7th, we’ll be cock-rocking the NPR crowd with the And I Am Not Lying live show at Union Hall on the first Tuesday of every month. Doors are at 8, show’s at 8:30 and tickets ain’t but ten tiny dollars for the finest comedy, storytelling, burlesque sideshow you’re going to get anywhere.

Be honest with yourself: stuff like this is part of the reason you moved here. It’s worth a headache at work on Wednesday.

You can buy tickets here if you’re into that already.

We pulled together this cool trailer about it, too. It may be NSFW, depending on your job:

I wanted to start this show for a very, very good reason. I’m doing this thing so that I don’t go completely numb, and I’m trying to bring as many people back to life as I can right along with us.

I spend a lot of time hunched over a glowing rectangle starting and mediating petty squabbles about nothing, breathing shallowly through my mouth and reading tweets about television. I’ve been doing it for years. When I’m not getting paid to do it I sit around my apartment in my underpants and do it for free, apparently.

Everyone does.

Sometimes I think we’re all using computers to row this numbing boat towards a black wall of depressing distraction. I want to do my part to get as many people into one room and feeling something great together for a little while. And maybe if we get together often enough and pool our collective energies into something funny and weird, we can live a little outside of our bottomless pockets filled with lotus petals.

The entire purpose of life is to get as excited as possible. I’m so, so excited to have a reason to hose the town down with excitement once a month. So it’s like a Mobius strip of recursive excitement for me.

Sometimes storytelling shows can get a little sweater-vesty, comedy shows can be too bitter and detached, and burlesque too much, all in a go. This way we can cross-pollinate the best of the best and no matter what, if you’re not into what you’re seeing you can see something else really soon.

I want this thing to be a rock show without instruments, to just cram an entire aircraft carrier’s worth of fun into the basement of Union Hall. So far, we’ve been doing pretty okay on that front, I think.

D.Billy and I collaborated on this cool poster (I think it’s cool, anyway) to announce the residency:

You’ll note that the show on February 7th features:

Comedy from Ophira Eisenberg
Burlesque by The World Famous *BOB*
Nerdcore Rap by Schaffer the Darklord

in addition to burlesque from Cyndi Freeman
and storytelling by Brad Lawrence, Cyndi Freeman and Jeff Simmermon (me.)
**UPDATE**
We have just added bullwhip and lasso artist Chris McDaniel to the show!

Brad and I will co-host as always, and tickets are ten bucks — again, you can get them here.

I hand-inked the type with brayers rather than inking the press rollers, so I could print two colors simultaneously and easily change colors later. After some trial and error with ink amounts and pressure, I pulled the first decent test print:

And a while later, I had a small edition of posters in four different color schemes:

It was a really fun exercise. For those of you unfamiliar with the process of letterpress printing, check out the sweet little video below. And if you’re near Brooklyn, be sure to check out The Arm for letterpress classes, or to book press time if you already have letterpress experience and just want to make some things.