References for the less nerdy: Tuvok / Gul Dukat

Images yoinked from TotallyLooksLike.com.
Font: Bajoran Regular by Eric Oehler.

A year later, his mom took me and him and a date to see the Ramones at the Boathouse in Norfolk, VA and nothing was ever the same again. My glasses got knocked off and ground back into sand during the first 5 minutes of the show, and I took a boot to the face by the second set. The next day, I was half-deaf and limping around the house, clutching the walls to feel my way to my bedroom and all I wanted to do was get up on a stage and be Joey Ramone.

A week after that I quit the rec league soccer team by throwing my shirt in the coach’s face. During a game.

Something didn’t add up, though. Me and Frank were scoring acid from drag queens at the Rocky Horror Picture Show and had a direct line to all the best music this new burning world had to offer. With all this newfound punk rock swagger and the confidence of finally being down with the coolest guys in school, we figured girls would finally start paying attention.

As it turns out, it took a little while. We had no idea why.

Frank Benson has hit his stride by now, and I guess I’m okay, too.

Anyone who tells a teenager that “these are the best years of your life” is only telling half of the truth. In my experience, we got to taste the potential that the world had — but actually feeling it fall into place day by day and year by year is even better. Frank and I hang out now. We both live in Brooklyn, but we’re both busting ass on our own art careers.

We don’t see each other as often as people who live three miles away from each other might. But every time we do hang out, one of is getting the other one really excited about some cool new stuff. We’re still kicking each others’ doors wide open.

Hope you guys dig it:

party park

Originally uploaded by greggrestonva

Via Flickr:

UPDATE – 3.9.2012

The tent at Palm Park is flooded out – there’s a whole ecosystem in there underneath the folding chairs. We are moving ALL of the And I Am Not Lying events scheduled for March 10th at SXSW to the Hilton Garden Inn in Downtown Austin – just a few blocks from Palm Park and the convention center. The hotel is at 500 North IH-35/Frontage Road, Austin, TX. Here’s a map.

Our stuff is now going to be on the 18th floor of the Hilton Garden Inn in Downtown Austin in the Colorado and Red River rooms. The content and times will stay exactly the same.

Last week (I think) I may have mentioned that we’re putting on a whole tentload of activities at South By Southwest Interactive this year. If I am completely honest, it’s all I can do not to tear my shirt off and swing through the streets of New York screaming about this like a somewhat flabbier Tarzan.

We’ve finally gotten some stuff locked down with the tent and the order of events, and I just wanted to use this blog post to detail everything so you, me, and airbody else can hose down the Internet with this thing.

First of all: all of this takes place on March 10, 2012 in a tent in Palm Park, adjacent to the Austin Convention Center. Map here.

We’ve got a Tumblr blog set up especially for news about this which you can see here: And I Am Not Lying at SXSW. You can follow us on Twitter at @andiamnotlying and/or by using the hashtag #notlyingSXSW.

The And I Am Not Lying tent will be next to a tent sponsored by Miller. Miller will be giving badgeholders 2 free beers apiece. So there’s that to look forward to.

We’re going to be offering programming based around standup comedy, improv, and storytelling from 11 AM to 6PM, all day long. That programming is predicated around this one simple concept:

Stories are ancient and awesome, everyone loves to laugh, and Web conferences – even the best Web conference in the world – can get SO. FRICKING. BORING.

It’s not really the fault of the programmers. It’s just that … sitting there with a bunch of people while looking at a Powerpoint presentation is not that inherently exciting. Sitting around and pretending to be fascinated while someone guy in a blue dress shirt says “we’re going to leverage the API to drive traffic into out key niche markets, improving ROI and capture metrics” is exhausting. Doubly so when it comes from someone that works in marketing.

A lot of panelists are there to sell you something, to flog their book or promote their startup. We’re not. The only thing we’re trying to sell is our skill as storytellers and comics, and maybe get some better shows out of it in towns that we’d like to visit.

We’re going to sell that to you by being awesome at what it is we do: telling stories and making people laugh.

I know a lot of people come to Interactive for work, and are under some pressure to demonstrate what they learned and justify the expense. We think you learn more when you’re having fun – and honestly, what’s the better learning environment? The dim and stuffy conference room with flickering fluorescent lights, and a guy droning on about “leveraging the power of digital storytelling in a Web 2.0 environment” — or the people that do this on stages, in boardrooms and in burlesque bars 5-20 times a week? This stuff applies to pretty much any discipline, really.

Here’s a breakdown of what we’re offering, hour-by-hour. This is the copy I submitted to the folks at SXSW, anyway, but it’s not on the official schedule or the SXSW app yet, so you may have to write it down on your hand or something:

11AM – 12PM: PANEL DISCUSSION — “From Basement Burlesque to the Boardroom: What Makes Your Story Great and How Can You Make it Even Better?”

Storytelling is both the second-oldest art form and a hot “new” form of entertainment — thanks to This American Life, The Moth’s podcast and live shows, and tons of shows cropping up around the country, storytelling’s making a big comeback. It’s making a comeback in the boardroom, too. And if we are honest with ourselves, it’s just about to join “leverage” in the marketing d-bag’s haggard sack of buzzwords. “Leverage storytelling to activate your customers,” “learn story techniques,” — you’re going to hear a LOT of that at SXSW this year.

You know what you’re not going to hear anyone else talk about?

“What makes a great story?” or “How would I know a good story?”

Good stories are a little like good porn: you know ‘em when you see ‘em. But we’re going to peel that hood back together and examine what makes a story good — and how to amplify and condense that.

Join an interactive discussion with storytelling experts from across a wide range of disciplines – from NPR’s This American Life, NYC storytelling show producers and accomplished solo performers with The Moth, Story Collider, TOLD!, Real Characters, And I Am Not Lying and other shows, as well as an expert in organizational narrative – and hack through the marketing hype to find out what really makes a good story.

Panelists include

Cyndi Freeman – Hotsy Totsy Burlesque, Moth SHOP outreach instructor, Wonder Woman: A How-To Guide For Little Jewish Girls

Thaler Pekar – Smithsonian Institution, Stanford Social Innovation Review

Brad Lawrence – Moth Grand Slam champion, Moth Podcast, And I Am Not Lying

Jeff Simmermon – And I Am Not Lying (this blog, and the show with Brad and Cyndi), Time Warner Cable, This American Life contributor, Moth podcast

12-1: BASICS OF COMEDY IMPROV WORKSHOP

Learn to open yourself up to sudden, new possibilities – and seize the potential from everything that’s right in front of you. You’ll learn the rewarding art of creative play, how to surprise yourself and yank your inner comic out of the closet. In this workshop, you’ll learn how much fun it can be to say “yes” to everything, to stop being ashamed of your own ideas and to easily improvise a hilarious comic scene. Discover how letting go actually provides you with great control in seemingly crazy situations (applicable to daily life, guaranteed).

Coached by Eliza Skinner

Eliza Skinner is a producer, writer, performer, lover and fighter in Los Angeles. She has appeared on TBS’ Are we There Yet?, Showtime’s PopTudors, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, MTV’s Damage Control, and opposite Cheri Oteri in AMC’s LifeCoach. She has taught musical improv workshops all over the country with I Eat Pandas, and on her own. Eliza has also taught improv for BBC America, and on Bravo’s Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Her solo show, Eliza Skinner is: SHAMELESS ran for over a year at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater in NY and LA, and at the Comedy Central Stage in LA.

1-2PM: STORYTELLING WORKSHOP

Everyone’s got at least one story in them – whether it’s a pitch, a plan, or a tale of love gone horrifically wrong. Join Cyndi Freeman (Moth outreach instructor, storyteller, burlesque performer) and Jeff Simmermon (host, producer of And I Am Not Lying, blogger at andiamnotlying.com, award-winning storyteller) and hone your chops. Practice telling your story, identifying the change and heightening your stakes. You’ll learn how to identify stakes, own your mistakes, and create a compelling narrative.

Presenters/coaches are:

Jeff Simmermon – And I Am Not Lying, Time Warner Cable, This American Life contributor, Moth podcast

Cyndi Freeman- Hotsy Totsy Burlesque, Moth SHOP outreach instructor, Wonder Woman: A How-To Guide For Little Jewish Girls

2-3PM: STORYTELLING OPEN MIC

Have you been dying to tell the world a story? Are you tired of keynotes talking at you and dying to have other people listen to YOU for a change? Here’s your chance! This is partly an optional follow-on from the storytelling workshop at 1PM, and part full-on open mic, this is a time for anyone to tell stories to friends, enemies, and complete strangers. Gentle critique is available and totally optional for anyone who wants to tighten their story and tell it better than ever.

Hosted/facilitated by:

Jeff Simmermon: The Moth, This American Life

Brad Lawrence: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

Cyndi Freeman: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

3-4 PM: THE WORLD’S FIRST CROWDSOURCED VARIETY SHOW

Play the Battle Hymn of the Republic on dual kazoos, read the best parts of your manifesto, flog your book or flip your unicycle: all you have to do is tweet, retweet and share information about the And I Am Not Lying tent at SXSWi. The 5 folks who reach the most people win 8 minutes of stage time to perform any old messed-up PG-13 stunt their heart desires.

Hosted by

Jeff Simmermon: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, This American Life

Brad Lawrence: And I Am Not Lying (http://www.andiamnotlying.com), The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque(http://www.hotsytotsyburlesque.com/home.html)

4-6 PM: AND I AM NOT LYING – LIVE

The folks from the And I Am Not Lying blog (yes, this one) are cock-rocking the NPR crowd in their new monthly residency in Brooklyn with the best underground comedy, storytelling, burlesque and sideshow acts. This whole thing is about getting together and getting EXCITED, turning the phones off and participating in something that’s temporal, raw, and real, cramming a whole aircraft carrier’s worth of fun into one tent that’s right next to the FREE BEER TENT. Talent will include storytellers, comedians and surprise drop-ins.

Confirmed Talent:

Jeff Simmermon: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, This American Life

Brad Lawrence: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

Cyndi Freeman: And I Am Not Lying, The Moth, Hotsy Totsy Burlesque

Andy Ross: The Moth, Real Characters Stories, The Onion, MAD Magazine

Seth Lind: This American Life, Thank You, Robot, TOLD!

Eliza Skinner: UCB Theatre, Diamond Lion, Baby Wants Candy, Magic Bag

Cyndi Freeman- Hotsy Totsy Burlesque, Moth SHOP outreach instructor, Wonder Woman: A How-To Guide For Little Jewish Girls

Additional talent to be confirmed, announced via Twitter (@andiamnotlying/ #notlyingSXSW)/Tumblr.

People keep asking me, “so, what’s this show about? What’s your hook?” And man, I have no idea. I used to think it was a live version of this blog. But now this blog is turning to a blog version of the live show. All I can say is that it reflects a huge lesson I learned sometime in college:

Never let your IQ get in the way of a good time.

Basically, we’re cock-rocking the NPR crowd with burlesque, storytelling, comedy and sideshow acts. Sound fun? It better. If that’s not high-quality Saturday night entertainment for you, I don’t want to know what is.

I’d strongly recommend getting advance tickets, which you can do right here: And I Am Not Lying Live at Union Hall on 12/10/2011 — $10

If you’re really into the Facebook thing, you can click here to see the invite and RSVP. That doesn’t actually help anything, but it massages my starving ego.

Here’s a poster, lineup published for Google SEO trickery after the jump:

The show features …

Storytelling from

Jeff Simmermon (storyteller featured on The Moth Podcast and This American Life)
Cyndi Freeman (Wonder Woman: A How-To Guide for Little Jewish Girls)
Brad Lawrence (The Moth GrandSLAM champ)

Comedy by
Michael Che

Burlesque by

Fem Appeal,
RunAround Sue & Cyndi Freeman

and a VERY special appearance by
Mat Fraser & Julie Atlas Muz

Hope you can make it out.

I hand-inked the type with brayers rather than inking the press rollers, so I could print two colors simultaneously and easily change colors later. After some trial and error with ink amounts and pressure, I pulled the first decent test print:

And a while later, I had a small edition of posters in four different color schemes:

It was a really fun exercise. For those of you unfamiliar with the process of letterpress printing, check out the sweet little video below. And if you’re near Brooklyn, be sure to check out The Arm for letterpress classes, or to book press time if you already have letterpress experience and just want to make some things.

At least you’re allowed to punch a bully right in the face.

When my family lived in the DC suburbs in the early ’80s, it was pretty bad. I got beat up a lot and I was pretty scared to leave my house. My family was tremendously loving, and I had a dog that was my best friend in the world. But once I left the yard it was like a movie about Vietnam directed by Todd Solondz.

Nobody ever talks about this, though: a lot of times, the kids that are getting bullied get pretty mean, too. Being and underdog and a good guy are not the same thing.

I told this story at the And I Am Not Lying live show at Union Hall back on October 5th. It goes long, but I’m pretty proud of how it turned out. I tried to compress it to a tight 5 minutes for a Moth Grand Slam last week and it was a stunning failure. I got more nervous than I’ve ever been in my life, skipped parts and just blacked out completely on my feet. It wasn’t booze-related, just flop-terror. I came to a few seconds later, literally standing in front of several hundred people who were looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something intelligible into a microphone.

A lot of people have that experience as a nightmare.

I hope you guys enjoy my telling of this story more than I did teliing it the other night, anyway.

I’m also obliged to mention that I’m coming to DC on November 2nd and Philadelphia on November 6th with Brad Lawrence, Cyndi Freeman, and Runaround Sue. You can get tickets for the DC show here: And I Am Not Lying: A Night of Storytelling, Comedy, & Burlesque.

But it’s not as fun now that everyone’s using it. I mean, it still looks cool and all, and if you’re having fun with it, go nuts. Or continue going nuts. I’ll have to cop to a certain amount “before it was cool” mentality here, and admit that I have this deep and maybe not incredibly attractive need to have people know exactly how creative and special I am all the time.

This feature got me all excited and inspired to go beyond taking a photo, running it through an app, and calling it a day: Tricking Out Your iPhone Photos.

The iPhone is such a powerhouse of a tool for photographic creativity. It’s our century’s Polaroid, right there in your pocket. Rather than emulate the look of a time past, why not get stoked on creating a look for now?

I saw this girl in the mall by my office that looked like she fell through a wormhole in 1974 and landed up against that wall smiling and playing with a BlackBerry. She was kind enough to let me take her picture, despite probably finding me a little creepy. Fair enough.

I’ve had Karen Young’s 1982 jam “Deetour” on a permanent loop on my iPhone for a couple days, too. It makes the commute into this spacey disco loop, like someone tied my brain to a rollerskate and sent it over a beige rainbow bridge. I probably listened to the song ten times while I ran this young lady’s picture through Decim8, Instagram, TrueHDR, TiltShiftGear and StripeCam — ultimately ending up with this:

I don’t mind telling you that I’m pretty proud of it, too. It reminds me of a lot of things I love – old funk/soul album covers, ’70s striping, sun-faded imagery. I wish I could paint like this. Here’s the original shot, for comparison:

I’ll be posting a bunch more of these things in the future, too. Since you asked. If you guys recommend any other cool iPhone apps, do please let me know.

I would have mentioned this earlier, but I’ve been crippled with a bog monster infestation – a whole bunch of them set up shop in my sinus cavities and have been using my lungs as a fricking waterslide. I coughed so hard the other night that I think I gave myself a small hernia.

That’s got nothing to do with what I’m talking about here, though.

What I’m here to talk about is that we had us a show a few weeks back, and it went really well! I had a ton of fun, despite some really frustrating technical difficulties in the beginning.

The Kraine Theater is this dank, crumbling space in the East Village, the sort of place that feels like it’s haunted by a bunch of old men in long raincoats. It made a certain kind of sonic sense to hear someone kick over a beer bottle during the show, and when an old lady showed up in a sun hat with a Mike-Tyson face tattoo drawn on with eye liner, I wasn’t even surprised. OF COURSE we had one of those. It was that kind of show.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I still wanted to kick the wrinkles out of that old bat when she started heckling the comedian. I like weirdos in the audience and all, but I really prefer when they stay quiet.

Still, I had a ton of fun, and I’m pretty sure the crowd did, too.

I talked to the theater director about the show today, and I think we are going to start doing this quarterly.

One thing I know, though: we’re bringing this show up to Albany, NY in mid-August. We’ll be performing in Saint Joe’s Church, what appears to be this amazing crumbling cathedral in downtown Albany. I’d love to make a little tour out of it, maybe play in Boston, Providence, BUffalo, what have you. If any of you book shows in bars, clubs or theaters in that area and want some storytellers and burlesque people to come up, do please let me know.

And if you happened to be in the audience on Sunday, thank you so, so much for coming. It was a jam, for real.