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Yo Momma’s Goin’ on a Date… with Vader.

June 13th, 2009 by D.Billy

I just stumbled across this awesome dub job done a couple of years ago by the guy(s) over at AKJAK, who replaced Darth Vader’s lines in Star Wars with James Earl Jones dialogue from other movies:

(The intro is a little awkward, and the song at the end is just puzzling… so I’ve set it to skip ahead to 0:44 when the absolute gold kicks in, and as far as I’m concerned, you can stop at 8:40. But it’s your life.)

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Spam Poetry: Look At This Glorious Sh*t.

June 10th, 2009 by D.Billy

This morning, I found that the subject lines of the four messages in my Spam folder, when read as a whole, formed a lovely and touching poem:

Spam Poem

Previously: SPAMtastic: Prejudice, Conspiracy Theory, Has-Been Boxing, and the Tragic Loss of Britney Spears

Filed under D.Billy, Internets, Poetry, Weirdness & WTF, Writing, Zen having Comments Off

Archives Posts

Baroque Obama

November 12th, 2008 by D.Billy

Baroque Obama, originally uploaded by givepeasachance.

I know, I know.
I swear, there will be a decline in Obama-themed posts really soon. But this is such a solid pun, I couldn’t resist.

Filed under D.Billy, Internets having 3 Comments »

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And It Shall Be Renamed “The Obamanet”.

November 6th, 2008 by D.Billy

A couple of days late, but…

(Via Voice In Headphones.)

(UPDATE: Apparently created by Michael Buchino, and available as a t-shirt!)

Filed under D.Billy, Internets having Comments Off

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Love at First Byte

October 4th, 2008 by D.Billy

Jeff sent me a link to an awesome, fun, faux-vintage sci-fi short film a while back, and I mean to share it with y’all, but it slipped my mind… until I was flipping through a sketchbook and found this hastily scrawled list of cultural references that I saw while watching it for the first time:

She-Ra, Princess of Power. Lord of the Rings. American Apparel advertisements. The Neverending Story. Mario Bros. Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future. “The Clapper”. Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Space Invaders. Silverhawks. Batman. Thundercats. Tron.

These things, in no particular order, sprung to mind immediately for me. Some of them are obviously intentional, others perhaps unintentional but likely to be seen by anyone who grew up when I did and watched the same stuff. Still others were triggered by a small detail or action in the video that other folks might not notice or associate in the same way. Anyway, here it is!

ELA in Love At First Byte by PepperMelon:

ELA in Love at First Byte from Fernando Sarmiento on Vimeo.

Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under D.Billy, Geekdom & Nerdery, Internets, Video, Weirdness & WTF having Comments Off

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Same Difference.

August 29th, 2008 by D.Billy

Sometimes a piece of poetry, prose, visual art or music manages to transcend the perceived boundaries that separate us.  On those rare occasions, disparities of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and political affiliation are stripped away, and we stand bare-assed and grinning, basking in the blinding light of our common ridiculousness.  Click away, and soak it in:

(Via The Triumph of Bullshit. Requires sound and Flash player.)

Archives Posts

SPAMtastic: Prejudice, Conspiracy Theory, Has-Been Boxing, and the Tragic Loss of Britney Spears

July 24th, 2008 by D.Billy

I’m one of those people who tries to keep my Inbox relatively clean.  I fail miserably, but at least I want it to be more uncluttered than it is, and I think that aspiration counts for something.  However, one battle front on which I am an unequivocal victor is that of the Spam folder.  I manually delete that shit before Gmail even has the chance to do it for me.  When empty, the Spam folder displays the text “Hooray, no spam here!” and I think, “You’re goddamn right there isn’t.”

But once in a while, the universe sees fit to bestow upon me a piece of electronic junk mail so wonderful and perfect, so beautifully off-kilter in either its subject line or content, that it gives pause to my ‘delete’ finger.  Case in point, this message that I received yesterday:

Such a simple and perfect non-sequitur.

Or is it?

One day later, I received this little nugget from a different address:

Holy christ!
What seemed at first like total random word generation has suddenly turned into a somewhat linear pseudo-narrative!  Whatever the fuck nekkid Britney did in that video to expose the secret trifecta has apparently caused her untimely demise, and set off a chain of events that will undoubtedly lead to the King of Pop having one of his plastic ears bitten off on pay-per-view. I’m keeping my eyes peeled for the next installment of this saga to get caught in my mail filters.

(NOTE: Yes, I blurred the links. And I deleted the messages after I took the screenshots.  If we click on spam links, even in the name of investigative internet comedy-journalism, then the terrorists have won.  Besides, whatever they linked to could never be as good as the stories y’all are forming right now.)

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Live-Action Smurf Action: Post SFW, Link Not

March 6th, 2008 by Jeff Simmermon

Papa Smurf Works It Out

To me, the Smurfs were an ambient childhood experience like the smell of apple juice, Cheerios, and urine. They were something I never consciously stepped towards or moved away from, they were just kinda around for a long time, and then gradually faded away.

The Smurfs were on for four hours every Saturday morning, and I never knew anyone who begged their Dad to set up the Betamax to tape the Smurfs. Kids just ended up watching the Smurfs the way that drunk people end up eating at Denny’s. Nobody does that on purpose either.

But live-action Smurf-themed porn … that’s something to SEE.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Book Rental Service: The Tower Is Crumbling

January 29th, 2008 by Jeff Simmermon


I was talking with a programmer at work the other day about the development of the Internet and web-enabled discourse. He was saying that back then, in the ’80s and early ’90s, pretty much anyone you talked to online was going to be pretty smart — you had to be, just to know what the Internet was and how to use it.

Now the worm has turned, and it’s choking on mouthfuls of its own nutritious excrement. The very thing that’s brought so many smart people together and fostered an exchange of ideas is making our kids stupid, filling their soft little impressionable skulls with marshmallow fluff and grey dishwater.

The Tower of Babel is crumbling, people. Look at this and try to tell me I’m wrong.

The illustration above is by my talented friend David William — pretty sharp, huh?

Archives Posts

Outsourcing the Romancing: LA Exec Hiring Someone to Write Flirty E-mails For Him

October 24th, 2007 by Jeff Simmermon

A good friend of mine sent me this writing gig post from Craigslist in L.A. As if dating, online and off, weren’t hard and strange enough:

ghost writer

Very busy executive would like to hire a writer to send emails on his behalf on personal dating websites. And do a few enails back and forth to get the ball rolling..

This person needs to know how to write in a masculine, but romantic way and at the same time create a challenge for the reader of the email

I’m from the South and I live in New York, so I’m not sure how y’all work it out there in Los Angeles. On the one hand, it seems like this dude runs the risk of getting his ass found out as soon as he does some ill-advised Blackberry thumb-stumbling of his own. But on the other hand, I’m not sure that this guy’s target audience would be smart enough to notice or deep enough to care.

I’m wondering here – what’s the real goal? Is it to meet someone of quality? Or just get laid? What’s the backup plan when this guy gets found out? I mean, if the ghostwriter succeeds, then they’re able to do something that the poster himself cannot do. This just won’t last.

I’m curious, too: what kind of responses did he get? How does one land this job, and what’s the time commitment?

One thing’s for sure though: whoever takes this job and takes it seriously is a putz, big-time. It sucks needing work and it sucks needing money, but I’d imagine what really sucks is looking in the mirror and knowing that you’re Cyrano de Bergerac with a dick for a nose.

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